August 07 2012

Dude, Where’s My Mail? Part Two (A Post Office Saga)

So anyway, it’s now FIVE weeks of me unable to get mail forwarded to my new address. (Part One of this saga is here)

Mail keeps getting delivered to my old address. But for the most part just random stuff. Catalogs and junk mail.

Here’s a Top Ten Breakdown of what’s been going on:

1. When I showed up to talk to “Karen” she wasn’t working that day — so I demanded to talk to a supervisor. I was told that the supervisors were upstairs and they never come downstairs. I asked if I could go upstairs and was told nobody is allowed upstairs. I was told I could call upstairs and was given a number. I stood there in the Post Office calling “upstairs” on my cell. Nobody picked up. I was then told not to be surprised because the supervisors “don’t like picking up the phone”.

2. I headed home and called the USPS main 800 number and went through a whole system until I found a guy to complain to about my local post office. He told me he had a number that I could call to ‘definitely fix the situation’. He gave me the same number that I called earlier that never picked up. He said the next step was for me to write an actual physical letter to some USPS Consumer Advocate. I asked if there was an email address or phone number. He said, ‘They’re not set up for that.’

3. When Karen finally called back she asked me if everything has been resolved. I told her nothing has been resolved. She asked me if I was still living at my old address. I told her I was living at my new address. She asked me if I had full access to my new address. I told her I did because I live in it. She told me to hold on. She got back and asked if my old address was my new address. I told her my new address is my new address my old address is my old address. I don’t live at my old address anymore. I live at my new address. That’s why I go with the ‘new’ and ‘old’ labels.

4. I told Karen that I didn’t mind the idea that all my mail was gone forever. I just needed to make peace with it and start from scratch as if I was launched into Witness Protection or something. She told me not ALL my mail is gone forever. Only the mail prior to July 15 is definitely gone forever. I asked if gone forever meant it was returned to the sender or what. She said, ‘The mail before July 15th has “left the universe”. It was the clearest answer I got on anything thus far.

5. Karen told me she was going to mail out test letters to my old address to see where they end up and we’d go from there. She told me she’d mail them to my new address. I told her she should mail them to the old address as that makes more sense.

6. I decided to take matters in my own hands and ask my local mail carrier in person about my mail. I stopped a guy on the street who was half dressed in a postal outfit/half dressed normal about my mail situation. He told me he wasn’t my regular carrier but he’d check into it. He wrote my name down on the back of someone’s mail then put that letter back in with all the other mail.

7. I asked a guy around the corner who was sitting in a mail truck eating lunch if he could help me. He seemed annoyed that I disturbed his lunch. He told me he only delivers packages and I need to talk to “Karen”. He kept taking big bites of his sandwich and I’d have to wait for him to swallow and take a sip of soda before he’d respond. That was fun.

8. A friend of mine took my old apartment so I head back now and then to pick up old mail still getting through. The other day I found the test letters that Karen sent out. They were not forwarded. I called the post office again and I was told they would escalate this problem to the supervisors. I was like, Wait.. I haven’t gotten my mail in a month– this is still un-escalated?!

9. All in all, I’ve actually been very nice to everyone. And the people I talk to have been nice to me. They’re working in this terrible system. I’m just a tourist. If they have this (photo below) on the wall I’m sure there’s thousands of things all over the place that are equally screwed up because the post office has no money or proper organization.

10. Anyway, heading into week 6 of no forwarded mail. We’ll see. (BTW— The friend of mine who moved into my old place is starting to wonder about his mail too. He just went through week one with no mail forwarded.)

ok bye!


PS. here are reviews for my local post office on yelp. (I really do feel for the people that work there. It has the feeling of an abandoned outpost)… Anyway, a bunch of yelp posts are more entertaining than what I wrote here. I’m not alone


Brandi says:

I am sorry Mr. Oddtodd. I applaud you for keeping your cool! Best of luck to you and your mail!

Mr Deng's Butt Plug says:

Where has that cock sucker Mr. Deng been ?

Upstairs Supervisor says:

Good news. We found all your mail and it will be delivered on February 29, 1998.

WhooopiddyDooo says:

I have your mail, I roll around in it naked. It’s here in the back room. Please keep coming around so we call all have fun rolling around naked in your mail while looking at you from the camera’s.

oddtodd7 says:

Can you scan it in after your done and send as attachments?

Anonymous says:

god dam it todd part 2 took ages to be posted your just as bad as the post office 😉

Mr. Spock says:

Greeting Mr. Rosenberg. We have your mail. It seems when the Enterprise entered time warp six weeks ago, we accidentally activated the transporters. We thought we shut them down due to repairs we were running at the time.

For some strange reason transporter 3 keeps locking in your area of the United States.

Humans of your era are very strange to say the least.

As soon as we receive your postal mail, we immediately beam them down to the same coordinates, but our auxiliary sensors keeps failing so we weren’t able to track it’s location.

In the end it’s illogically.

The needs of the many, outweigh the need of the few.

Spock out.

Captain Obvious says:

The USPS forwarding system is a FREE service, and so whatever works works, and whatever doesn’t doesn’t, so tough cookies. It is YOUR responsibility to notify every single sender of ALL mail that matters to you YOURSELF. This needs to be done a week or so BEFORE the actual move, or when feasible. Make a list of all these folks, do a few per day if necessary, and quit acting so fucking helpless! Don’t bother people while they’re trying to fucking eat! WOW I had no idea you’re such an ASSHOLE

Guest says:

What a LAME attempt to defend the PATHETIC post office. Just because it was a FREE service does not excuse their complete incompetence. Yes, Todd is a lazy ass for not making sure he updated his address with people and he shouldn’t bother people on their lunch. That is a separate issue from the giant waste of god damn space known as the USPS. Your defense makes one wonder if you happen to be one of those lazy good-for-nothing slack-jawed postal workers that, on the rare occasion you find them off break, move at a speed that makes Terri Shiavo look like a triathlete. I always knew you were an ASSHOLE.

Captain Troll says:

No I dont work for the PO. Yes of course the Post Office has its cretins and union thugs. Just like SOME mechanics are lazy greedy pieces of shit, and SOME plumbers, DOCTORS(hence the need for malpractice laws), and don’t forget the guy at McDonalds who cares more about nailing the chick who works the counter and when his next smoke break is, over and above the quality of spit he put into your burger(and with your attitude I’m sure that happens to you a LOT). BUT, just like there are some great doctors, plumbers, etc. out there, there are some real pleasant, dedicated postal workers out there who truly give a shit about your mail, and I’ve moved about 10 damn times, and every time I get my forwarded mail(because you always have mail senders you didn’t think of calling and notifying, or couldn’t) a few days later. My local PO has one guy who doesn’t seem to give a fuck, but the others are very competent and helpful. SOOO, “guest”, stop labelling an entire institution(which IS horribly managed and DOES need a complete overhaul to bring it into the 21st century….) with your mindless stereotyping horseshit. It’s not the USPS’s fault you caught your mom making 5 bucks sucking off the mailman. Now go make me a sandwich bitch!

Guest says:

Awww, someone’s butt got very hurt when their profession got made fun of. Poor little mailman doesn’t like the truth rubbed in his nose and and he’s going to teach anyone that disagrees with him a lesson by capitalizing random WORDS. Of COURSE you don’t work for the post OFFICE. It’s completely normal for someone that isn’t employed by the only business staffed 100% by the mentally handicapped to rant and rave about how awesome and dedicated they all are. Corporal troll, you should stop wasting your work hours posting BULLshit on the net and maybe OPEN up a new window so that line of people going out and around the building might actually move. You losers make me sick. I send everything FedEx or UPS. I don’t trust that neanderthal running my route with my junk mail let alone something of importance. STICK your sandwich up your ass. It might help ease your butthurt.

Dipwad says:

I was looking for mah mailz dat was to be forwarded to me, so I sees duh mailman, and he went into duh bathroom to poop, so when he was in the stall making poop I bangeded on duh door and said HEY MR MAILSMAN I DONT GET MY MAILS TO ME RIGHT CAUSE I DIDNT PLAN AHEAD THATS TOO HARD IT MAKES MY BRAIN HURT SO WHERES MY MAIL???? HUH WHERE?? STOP POOPING AND HELPE!!!!!!

Ray says:

The USPS is a government cover-business, used to provide jobs. Otherwise, it would have died out.

Worst History Teacher Ever says:

“The USPS is a government cover-business, used to provide jobs. Otherwise, it would have died out.”

Ah, yes. Brilliant statement, and very true. Historical fact is, when the Post Office was created by Benjamin Franklin and included in the US Constitution, there really was no need for communicating via mail delivery in any way, since our forefathers invented telepathic communication(which of course is still widely used today by everybody in the world). However, Ben had relatives, and he was sick of them bumming shit off him, so he created the totally unnecessary Post Office simply to give them jobs. In our day, as we learned in the documentary known as “Men In Black”, the USPS is an excuse to give jobs to outer space aliens. Ray’s observation is spot on, and most definitely the product of a rational and intelligent mind dedicated to well thought out ideas grounded in objective research. I would commend Ray even more, but now I need to go to the toilet and poop out something worth more than Rays thought.

Hong Kong Women are Full of Themselves says:

Todd why are you still lazy?

I hope you step up your game after getting married.

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