January 03 2013

Honeymoon Tripping: Part II

PART I is here

So anyway, we land in Los Angeles after a six hour flight. (BTW — My seat was in direct view of the gallery where they prepare food for First Class. So I got to see the hot cookies and wine and non-gross food — while I wondered if my stewardess would be generous enough to let me keep the can.)

We land and drag our stuff through the airport to the international section looking for Air Tahiti Nui. We check in and see the terminal had a massive security line that snaked around so much it looked like the intestines of the airport.

After like 40 minutes, we get close to the front where the line splits to three different X-Ray scanners. I say to the wife, ‘Let’s race. You go left. I go right. And we’ll see who gets through security first!’ She gave me a tired look like, ‘Does everything have to be a stupid game?’ I nod like a cartoon dog until she agrees.

Of course, my line burns through at an embarrassing speed while she’s left way behind. Clunker line. To the point, where I know the game sort of backfired. I crushed the win. Crushed it. Wasn’t even close. I waved from the safe zone and gave a double thumbs up.

Anyway, while I’m putting my shoes back on — some random guy starts talking to me.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Guy: Where you headed?
Me: Tahiti. You?
Guy: Philippines. Again.
Me: Nice.
Guy: Business or pleasure?
Me: My honeymoon. She’s back there. We’re… umm.. racing.
Guy: Ah.
Me: Phillipines, huh. Business or pleasure for you?
Guy: Well… the business of pleasure.

(The guy gives me a look that gives me the jeebies. It dawns on me that he’s some kind of pervy sexual tourist).

Guy: Tahiti is gorgeous. Have a great time there…
Me: We’ll try — but it’s supposed to rain every day. I checked the weather. 7-Days of rain.
Guy: Ha! It always says it’s going to rain. That means just a chance of rain. Passing sun showers and such.
Me: Oh yeah?!
Guy: Yeah. It never rains all day. Just sun showers. Trust me. I head to this area allll the time.

The guy wanders away to go bring the soul of the world down a notch while I wait for the wife who finally makes it through security. She walks up to me with grumps.

Wife: You win. Congratulations, champion.
Me: Forget that!! This pervy guy just gave me the best news!!

We head through the airport to board a flight that will be eight friggin hours long. From LAX to an airport in a place called Papeete in Tahiti. I look at the full itinerary (kind of for the first time) and see that we have ANOTHER flight after we land. From Papeete to an island called Raiatea. I ask the wife, ‘Wait. What’s Raiatea?’ — and it dawned on us for the first time that neither of really knew where the hell we were going…

(to be continued)


FuckNuts says:

Two days in a row! Encouraging. Can a new toon be far behind?

Nicol says:

“The guy wanders away to go bring the soul of the world down a notch”
Classic. Great laugh for the day.

Amy says:

Agreed funny tODD keep going!!

Concerned Pervert says:

“Me: Forget that!! This pervy guy just gave me the best news!! ”

That happens to me, like, a dozen times a day.

Weeze says:

I’m an idiot.

Spin Doctor says:

We know Weeze. We know.

Polovne says:

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Jeremy says:

“Like the intestines of the airport”…I like that one.

smirk says:

“…the business of pleasure…” Was this line in Hostel?

Longtime fan says:

Welcome back, Todd!

BTW: “galley”, not “gallery”

Yukiyo says:

Rats1 I wanted to be the first to send best wisehs. I was in the studio early this morning, flailing and failing along. Then I saw some great work on the walls. Ahhh – art!This one today is fantastic. Simple, but not so simple. And, hard to get right, like you did.

Luis says:

I think if you always knew what you were going to do and how it was going to turn out, well, then , what you have there is one of those relgaur jobs where every day is the same. Which is exactly what you want to avoid.

The Guest says:

“one update a day until it’s done!”

Hah! Or until he gets too lazy to post a new update. 2 days in a row is the best he can do these days.

1 says:


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Anonymous says:

Whoo hoo for Tahiti Nui! Flew them back in the 90s from Tahiti Fa’a’a to Hiva Oa when they were still flying WWII reconditioned bombers with no doors! The pilot ate a banana during the worst landing in recorded history. Yeeeeeeee Haaaaaaa!

Shadowdancer says:

I tell my wife things like that all the time.

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Ulie says:

Yes you can use them to write checks get cash etc. BUT it is a huge miktsae!Rip the checks up ASAP they give you 6 months with 0% interest but charge you a fee to cash the check and they know you can’t pay it all off in 6 months. They will get thier money from you don’t fall into this credit trap!Live debt free! It is a wonderful feeling.

Wendy says:

I felt just about the same when I read Frangipani- I liked it, but was a little let down on the story arc. I kind of wiehsd there could have been a little more about the feminist “awakening” part of the story. But it did make me laugh- I especially loved the use of the word “cranky” which I wrote about over on my blog. And anything that makes me laugh is worth a read or two in my book!Oh and- yes the whole Tahitian men and slacker-ness, this made me nervous too. Since Mexican men are often portrayed as such as well, leading to generally negative stereotypes, etc etc etc

Kaylan says:

Your article was ecxelelnt and erudite.

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