January 28 2011

Little Girl in the Steamroom

So a couple times a week I get motivated I go to the gym and work out. Mainly, I do the elliptical machine but sometimes I do the bike. Keeps my face from getting too fat or whatever. But my main motivation for working out is for the steamroom afterwards.

On a long list of levels, the steamroom totally grosses me out. Because it’s gross. And on top of it, there are weirdos in the steamroom sometimes. There might be some dude doing naked yoga in there. One guy once kept slapping himself on the legs and back. Once there was a dude disgustingly brushing his skin with some kind of hard brush (I walked right out). It’s always a bummer when something weird is going on in the steamroom because I just want to zone out like meditate– and sweat it up. Until I feel like I’m going to pass out.

I just want silence and steam.

Anyway, the other day I walk in and the place is kind of packed. Maybe 8 people in there. (Usually there’s only 2 or 3 max). A naked guy with a big horse wang is standing and stretching in the middle of the room. I’m like, ‘Whoa! Congratulations on your giant horse wang, sir!’ (Not that I was checking out “wangs” but I almost had to step over the thing on the way to a seat).

Fortunately, nobody was really talking. I put a towel over my head and stared at the ground. Horse wang continued stretching. Everything was nice and quiet. A few minutes later the door opens and I can sense it’s staying open for too long. (When entering the steamroom you gotta zip in zip out). The temperature drops in the room and I hear some guy say, ‘Hurry! Get in there! Hurry!’ And I hear a kid laughing.

I look up and see this Dad and his little girl in a pink bathing suit (6-years old?) walking into the steamroom. The father starts explaining the steamroom to the girl while she drags her pink towel across the gross puddily floor. She complained that it was too hot so the Dad asks if she wants to leave– but she said she wanted to stay.


She’s all giggling and playing around. Our communal heads were like, ‘Dude! Get your giggily little girl outta here! This is no place for her! Horse wang is right over there! (he had sat down and covered up). Your little girl’s towel is laying in a puddle of ballsweat! And now she’s touching the floor and the walls with her hands! Now she’s putting her hands on her face! Now she’s putting the towel on her head! Dad! She has ball sweat on her head now! Your little girl has some dudes sweat… from his balls… on her head!’

But then I thought, ‘Shhh… Calm down. Relax. It’s not your kid. Don’t be so angry. Don’t be such a germaphobe. Here’s a dad simply spending time with his daughter doing something that he likes and she doesn’t seem to mind. I’m sure it’s ok. She’s having a good time. It’s steamy in here so she probably can’t even see that guy’s mega wang. Nor would she care. So why should I care?’

I tried meditating through the giggles and slap noises. Breathe in… breathe out… (giggle giggle slap slap) breathe in… breathe out…relax….

NO! Screw that!! ‘Dude! Get your friggin daughter outta here! She’s slapping at a puddle of ballsweat on the floor! WTF are you doing?!’

ok bye!


My Butt Here says:

It definately is a cultural reaction to the little girl being in there. You are a victim of the frontal lobe freudian conditioning. Decondition immediately.

CP says:

I feel Todd is correct in being DISGUSTED by this! Todd is enjoying is a place of relaxation for gay men NOT a playground for a child! It is INAPPROPRIATE to have a little girl in a room full of NAKED men! BACTERIA AS WELL! I stand by with you on this ONE Todd!

Concerned Pervert says:

Believe it or not I’m taking Concerned Parent’s side on this issue. Even though I could (and will) point out her hypocrisy in criticizing this father’s judgement in bringing his little girl into a man’s steamroom (and WTF?!?!? GAY?!?!?), she herself is guilty of surfing adult-themed “web-sights” like this one with her underage abused daughter.

Both are wrong and sound like cases on “Law and Order: SVU: Pedophile Edition”. A steamy room full of naked moose wangs is no place for a six-year old girl.

TJ says:

Exactly! Gay streamroom? Uuum..no. Also Todd isn’t gay. I can understand the dad wanting to spend time with his daughter, but the guy should of put his foot down on this matter. This should not be hard (no pun intended) for the guy. All the father should of said was that little girls aren’t allowed in men only streamrooms. Another important question is where was the mother? I have no doubt that if the roles were reversed women would be enraged if they discovered that a mother bought her son into a women only streamroom. When it comes down to it, the father was totally tactless.

Dr. Rocks says:

Would it be appropriate for a little boy to be in the Women’s steam room with the naked womens?

Grammar Teacher says:

Naked “Women” not “womens”. Learn how to spell. Also you are not a Doctor.

flaggellate says:

Hey, Grammar Teacher, try to learn what an incomplete sentence is before you set yourself up as an authority on grammar. You should also note there is a difference between spelling and grammar, which you seem not to know.

Hey Doc Rocks. says:

He would go in a child but come out… a man.

Or a child with serious issues. Hard to predict.

anon says:

unless you are a perv you shouldnt care about a girl in there

Perv- says:

I don’t mind at all. There’s nothing wrong with it.

Jeff L says:

Is the title of this post referring to you or the little girl? 😉

The Other Guy says:

@ My Butt Here, the word is “definitely” not “definately” you toad.

Lorelei says:

I physically gagged the moment I read “Ball Sweat”.
Does. Not. Go. With. My. Coffee.


the REAL weeze says:


Anonymous says:

You are an idiot

Lori II says:

Thank u for sensoring the weenus

Wendela says:

Weren’t we supposed to get a gf post this week? Break up post time? Beuller?

yd says:

“Horse wang.” Ah ha ha haaaaaaaaa!

Donny says:

yeah, where is girlfriend post? now you must supply a picture too!

TJ says:

This post has Concerned Pervert written all over it.

JT says:

Horse Wang! Ball Sweat! Friggin’ hilarious! Don’t ever change Todd. You say what most (some?) other people are thinking!

As far as the social conditioning, freud, etc…yeah, that’s all true but I think many people are uncomfortable with being naked in a quasi-public place. Yeah, we shouldn’t be but many of us are! At least Todd can put a hilarious spin on it so we can all laugh at ourselves! Thanks OT!

JT says:

btw, Love the drawing….although the guy on the right next to the girl has kind of a creepy smile on his face!

Goats says:

My fav. OT steamroom story is when you slipped and the wangage made an unexpected appearance! This was only mildly funny compared to that!

Anonymous says:

When I was little and somewhere just with my dad, he would take me into the men’s room to go to the bathroom because some crazy woman might have snatched me in the women’s room so at first glance I was thinking, “Gee this might be OK.”

However, after thinking about it, this ISN’T OK because 1) in the bathroom, while parts were probably swinging free, I was quickly escorted to the stall and locked in so at most I may have seen some butt-crack and 2) I didn’t hang out with a bunch of naked guys and play in the troughs or anything.

Seriously – what is wrong with people? If the rule was that you had to be wearing a bathing suit (even a speedo) then maybe (underlined and italicized!) it could be tolerated. But there were wangs all over! Not OK, Dad!

Seaslug says:

Not fan of steamrooms because where I live a bunch of creepers go in them. The part of the story with the kid dragging her towel through the nut sweat was pretty awful. Burn the towel and borrow the NYFD firehose from Ladder 19 to hose that poor kid down. What was that kids Dad thinkin?

кран козловой says:

Smith, it is a great post thanks for posting it!

TJ says:

If the father continues this behavior with his daughter, I wouldn’t be surprised if she becomes a slut as a teenager. Not to be mean, but come on dad – show some standards!

earp says:

This occurrence reeks of non-custodial parent who is selfish as hell and will not join his daughter in activities she would enjoy, but instead is making her come along as he selfishly continues to do what he wants to do, and she must make the best of it. In so doing he is willing to put her in an environment that is potentially sexually abusive. OH- and for you pseudo-enlightened asshats like “My Butt Here”, a 6 year old girl seeing some guys schlong being considered sexual abuse is indeed not freudian conditioning but very real.
These types of selfish prick fathers need to be denied custody/visitation. I hope her mother finds out and puts his balls on a plate.

JV says:

That was a hiliarious post! From the huge horse wang to the ball sweat on her head.

That is weird though. I’d feel a little weirded out having my kid around some naked stranger. It’s weird enough being exposed to your kid (I’d think) let alone some stranger.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

Two words – Explosive Diarrhea

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? says:

Two words- Ballsucking Troll.

kmg365 says:

“Whoa! Congratulations on your giant horse wang, sir!”

cb1 says:

“A steamy room full of naked moose wangs is no place for a six-year old girl.”


Anonymous says:

had just read your sauna/horsewang post the day before… and then i went to the gym the next day… lo and behold, some dude was walking out of the shower with his wang just hanging in the wind… it’s not like he didn’t have a towel… but he chose to drape that towel over his shoulder while he walked from the shower to the locker-room… ewwww, gross!… why couldn’t he just cover himself with that towel, instead of showing all his goods?..
while i am on the subject, why do people think it is alright to walk around naked in the locker-rooms of gyms anyway… nobody wants to see your nakedness… my wife says the same thing happens in the ladies locker-room… with saggy boobs and stuff… why must you people walk around naked… NOBODY wants to see you walk around naked at the gym… EVER!… stop doing it!

oddtodd7 says:

Not sure why it closed the comments but they’re back on again

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