The Un-Great NYC Water Push **

I don't know what's happened around here in the last year or so, but lately every friggin restaurant in nyc is pushing bottled water. I'm not talking all fancy schmancy restaurants. Regular ones too. All of them! Water pushers!

It's like you sit down at a table and the waitress immediately comes over and asks if you'd like some water. Fine. You say yes. (Who doesn't like water? No one!) There should be no follow-up to that question- but nowadays there is. Bubbly or still? Bottle or tap? Sparkling or non? Or just... "Pellegrino?" Uch! No! Just plain old water! At least offer it first... 'Tap water or... Bottled.'

It makes me uncomfortable! It makes me feel like a cheapo by saying, 'Tap is fine...' It like immediately establishes a certain level of defeat. Like I can't play in the water big leagues. I gotta drink tap... like a dog. Why not just bring it in a bowl? Better yet, why don't I just go out back and drink straight from the hose? That's obviously where I'm at by saying, 'Tap'. It's a shame scam! It's worst when they don't even give tap as an option. A conversation is like,

Waitress: 'Would you like water?'

Me: 'Sure!'

Waitress: 'Sparkling or still?'

Me:  'Ummm...'

Waitress: 'Or tap.'

Me: 'Tap...'

Who needs that? Let's say I was on a date? Would my date think I was cheap for choosing tap? Or would she think I was a dumb schmuck if I said, 'Sparkling.'?  These are not even expensive restaurants! This growing trend is really disturbing along with the stupid trend where restaurants think it's cool to be 'Cash Only'. Every restaurant with the Cash Only crap! I have walk a block in the rain to an ATM so you can cheat on your taxes??  I'm gonna stay in and order pizza from the pizza place which does take credit cards and only nicely asks if I want a soda!

Anyway, drop it already with the water push! I'm the customer! I'm always right!

ok bye!


*A previous version of this included the words 'Chop chop...' when I referred to just wanting regular water. I got a bunch of emails from waitstaff people not too happy that I used the term Chop Chop. I totally understand and apologize and chop chopped the chop chop.