Anti-Sweater Attitude

So I have a whole bunch of sweaters and I don't feel comfortable wearing any of them anymore.

First off, I don't completely understand the concept of a sweater really. I get they're for extra warmth and if I'm walking around outside all day I can appreciate a sweater. But I don't get why I'd ever wear a sweater to a restaurant or a party or whatever. I mean as soon as I get inside anywhere it's warm! I'm inside! It's warm inside! I sweat easy! I don't need to be wearing some extra heavy thing that's meant for outside when I'm inside! Sweaters make me sweat! And if take it off it's another thing to worry about and/or lose. For the most part when I go places I'm not walking so far that I'm gonna friggin freeze to death if I don't have a sweater.

But besides that I have issues with all types of sweaters:

Wool sweaters: I have some wool ones which I've gotten as gifts over the years and I think they're unwearable because they make me crazy itchy. All of them have never been worn for more than a trial basis. I stand there in them for two minutes before I accept that I can't stand it. I feel them prickling through my shirt and just need to take them off immediately. I don't get how anybody can tolerate wool anything. So all the wool ones are out.

Turtleneck sweaters: I have turtleneck sweaters which are distracting for me to wear because I'm bald and I feel like if I wear a light colored turtleneck then I look like a penis/dickhead. And if it's a dark color I feel like I'm trying to be like artsy cool cat guy or something. I feel all 'Look everybody! Turtleneck day today! For me!'  And the neck thing is like all over my neck. I don't like that.

V-Neck Sweaters: I'm never sure what to wear under a V-Neck sweater. If I wear a t-shirt I guess it's ok but I never know what color is supposed to go underneath. I guess white t-shirt is a safe bet but if I wear a white t-shirt with my black V-neck I think I look like a casual priest. But if I wear white with blue then I'm like a sailorboy. Other colors always look clashy or something and I don't know enough about fashion to know what's right. And yeah, I guess I can wear a button down dress shirt underneath but then my collar is all sticking out like flappy ears and I feel like a big dork.

Sweater Vest: I recently bought a sweater vest and I got mocked for it. There seems to be alot of anti-sweater vest people out there. It sits in my closet now. I'm too self-conscious to wear a sweater vest-- even though it would be my favorite because it's the least heavy.

Cardigan Sweaters: I still have a couple of those but I wore one a few years back to a holiday party and people made fun of me. Apparently cardigans aren't cool anymore or something. Nobody told me. Plus it was too big. I was totally all wrong on that one.

Stripey Sweater: I have a couple stripey cotton sweaters which are nice "in theory". But I can't help feeling I'm walking around all stripey all day? Like I'm Mr. Stripey McStripester from Stripetown, USA! I'm not big on stripes usually because they seem all aggressive or something. Stripes in your face! And I'm too insecure usually to wear clothing that gets comments of any kind.

Cashmere Sweater: I have one cashmere sweater and yeah it's totally soft and comfortable. But I'm always a little paranoid about it. Like I'm gonna ruin it lickity split. Or stretch it out. Or that I'm going to wash it by accident. Or spill on it and then be mad at me. I don't like wearing expensive things because I feel guilty when I ruin them and I usually always do. (Yes I know 'usually always' is a stupid thing to say).

So I wear sweatshirts when I need the extra layer. Plus, they have a hood so if I need an extra warm thing for my head. Boom. Hood. Convenient. And they have pockets or a pouch. They come in handy totally too! Especially for some who walks around with dog treats, dog bags, wallet, mp3 player, phone, keys, magazine, whatever. Who doesn't want extra pockets! And you can just throw them in the laundry. No dry clean BS. And if you spill on em and get a stain you can still wear them because a stained sweatshirt is acceptable! Sweatshirts kick ass over sweaters for me!

I might have a sweater blow-out sale on eBay for you sweater-likers... But I don't know how you do it...

ok bye!


PS. I think chicks look hot in sweaters...