The Bank Job

I saw this movie two days ago and have been dragging my brain around to try and pull it together to type up a review. Not sure why I've been so unmotivated to write about it because it's actually a pretty friggin good movie. So I've been trying to think of a lazy way to get this review done without having to do much to do it. The movie is all about stealing so I thought of something stealy to do the review! This is experimental and I can't promise it's going to go well--- but I went over to Rotten Tomatoes and picked a review totally at random and I'm gonna cut and paste it here--- and tell you what I agree with and what I don't agree with.

I hope this review is written ok. I haven't read it yet. Swear. Sorry for being lazy.

Ok! Hope this works!

This review is from something called Projection Room and written by a guy named Rob Humanick.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The Bank Job (2008): B

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPlot is something of a matter-of-fact, formalized hindrance to The Bank Job's equally matter-of-fact libido, a perpetual erection of energy, style, and wit that finds its way onto the screen here in the form of a "classic" (read: postmodern still in the closet) crime story.

I couldn't even read that first line. I glossed over it totally. Moving on. Uh oh. This might not go so well.

Largely removed from the territory of more Americanized action fare such as The Transporter and War, Roger Donaldson's stab at the cops-n-robbers genre (appropriately referred to as The BJ in a commendably honest advertising campaign) is nothing short of drunk on itself, a quality that proves both its greatest asset and most damnable impediment (not unlike any number of equally amusing human counterparts).

Argh this is so hard to read! Too many words! Moving on!

Forget that Jason Statham is this century's answer to Arnold Schwarzenegger

Forgotten. Because untrue... Disagree. Statham is more in Steven Segal Van Damme land-- but way cooler than those dorks.

and that the plot (involving an unofficially commissioned bank robbery meant to retrieve evidence imperative to an important government court battle, just for starters) reads about as humdrum as one would expect of a film that declares itself "based on a true story" in the same frame as the title itself. The Bank Job uses its performers effectively but the hyper texture of the images practically swallows them up, a far-reaching effect

OMG I CAN'T READ THIS!!! I thought the over heist stuff wasn't humdrum tho. The heist plan itself was pretty tight and coolio...

whose execution is hidden in plain view (though admittedly observed with a less than educated perspective on the technical side of film construction).

Huh?! I think I'm stupid! I don't know what he's talking about!

To suffice, each shot appeared to have been deliberately cropped by a mere frame or two before and after each cut, thus disrupting the "natural" flow of events between the unfurling images.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right but one thing that was very coolio bout this flick is that it moves really fast. Scene for scene it just pops along and cranks (at least for the first 45 minutes). And I followed it all smiley because the thing was so dang tight for a while. And Statham is like all coolio smart tough smart.

One senses a need to keep up with this increase in pacing, an effect that helps to make the less-than-original plot line more convincingly surprising and arresting.

I don't know. I thought the plot was kind of original. Sort of a neat twist on a bank robbery with coolio Sexy Beast style bank robbery fun.

Such positives, however, are countered by negatives of almost equal force: the purported editing effect is enforced throughout the entirety of the picture (remember: a review is as much based on experience as on actualities), unwavering even when the scene in question requires an alternate tonal shift.

Umm... if he's trying to say it got confusing after a while. Yeah. I agree. For the final third of the movie I started spacing out and scrambling around on the floor to gather up loose ends and stray puzzle pieces-- that weren't even important.

The Bank Job lives up to its marketing by maintaining a cool and steady pace until it gets the, err, job done, but such persistence creates a tangible disjointedness between the film's performances and kino eye.

Kino? Is that that game in Reno? Tangible disjointedness? I'll umm...Ok? Agree!

The nudity is hot and tasteful

True dat. And the opening scene is especially 100% boner-fied!

and the entire cast is allowed to partake in the catty banter typically reserved for an egotistical action hero, the more equal footing amongst the conspirators here suggesting a Kevin Smith rehash of Heat, only cool.

I don't know. I think the tone of the flick made the dialogue seem better than it really was. Somehow Statham can get away with saying whatevery lines and making them seem intense or something.

Statham and company don't sell all of the film's character points (particularly when it comes to the thieves' personal lives)

Agreed there. Some of them were just straggly cardboard cutouts. One or two are nowhere really.

, their passively engaging performances both hindered and aided by the film's staccato vibe.

Ummm... yeah! They done hindered and aided that there staticatoness....

The film comes out on the upper side of things by managing to avoid blue balls in the end, but don't think it couldn't use a lesson or two on pumping techniques.

Is that a masturbation thing? I'm not sure I get it. But that was the last line.

Umm... I guess this didn't work out so great. How's that for a failed experiment?

Thanks to Rob Humanick for umm... letting me steal his words and write about them. Hope he's not offended by my inability to fully translate his review. I'm a bad reader. Here's a link to his site.

Anyway, here's this:

Three Good Things About This Movie

- For the 45-minutes I was so onboard with this thing that I caught myself grinning.
- Although he's no Arnuld...I do think Statham is the Last Action Hero right now.
- If I was cranking a dial in terms of how much I like this movie. 1-10. 1 being bored out of my mind and 10 being COOL! I hit a bunch of 8's and 9's.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- It got confusing and jumbled and I didn't care enough to strain to figure it out.
- It made me feel like turning to a life of crime.
- Two days later this movie as shriveling to nothing in my memory.

All in all, if you got nothing to see and you like action and banks and robbery and boobs and violence. This movie is not a let down. And it explodes out of the gate at first totally. And I really dig the Statham guy. But I'm starting to think he should make movies that are under an hour. Because time after time after time with this dude I'm blown away... but eventually always led astray.