The Day After Tomorrow

So I headed out to see an 11:00AM showing of this flick. Picked up a bagel and salt & vinegar potato chips and an Arizona Iced Tea. On my way to the theater I realized I didn't dress properly for smuggling food. I had no big pockets. No big coat. There was too much stuff to secretize. Then I got hit with a really smart idea. I had my big cane umbrella with me because it was rainy sorta and and put my goods inside the umbrella and closed it. Walking in to the theater I felt like the Penguin. I got myself a good seat, reached into my umbrella and munched my way thru the previews. I felt smart.

Anyway, this Day After Tomorrow movie. Horrible. I suspected it had potential to be real extra awful but what I didn't expect was the triple wallop of terribleness that it delivered. I'll just get it out of the way to say that the action in the movie is impressive. When that tidal wave hits New York it's awesome. It's chilling. The tornados in LA are cool looking. I figured that the action could pull me through this movie and out the other side. But it didn't. Every single thing outside of the maybe 15 minutes of action is blastingly bad. Don't see this movie. It's simply not worth it.

I can dismiss regular dumb dialogue and stupid plots. Like this one part when a nerd manning a weather station was more interested in hooking up with a chick on the couch then watching the weather monitors. He's unbuttoning her sweater and dingbat girl is like, 'Shouldn't you be watching the weather?' Meanwhile there are hailstones as big as basketballs falling and LA has tornados. But he'd rather fool around. You're telling me that weather nerd would have a bigger boner over some girl than awesome weather? Puh-leeze! He'd be sitting at those monitors with a full on rage-er!

But it wasn't all bad in that way. It was bad in the worst sense.
The movie was loaded with dialogue like,

Guy #1: What do you think we should do?
Guy #2: Pray. All we can do is pray.

or stuff like,

Random Guy #1: You can't go out there! It's suicide!
Dennis Quaid: I have to. My son is counting on me!
Random Guy #1: Then I'm going with you!

or how about,

Guy #1: Mr. President! What should we do?
Mr. President: I don't know. Nobody knows except scientist Dennis Quaid! So let's ask scientist Dennis Quaid! Scientist Dennis Quaid is the only one who knows!


Bad Politician: Just because Los Angeles got destroyed by tornados and New York is a disaster area doesn't mean we need to take drastic measures here! It's just a storm!


Stupid Cop: Hey large group of people! We're better off going outside in the 50 below weather than staying holed up here in the shelter!
Large group of people: Yeah! He's right! Let's all go outside in the storm! Get your coats!


Zoo Keeper #1: Look! The wolves have escaped!
Zoo Keeper #2: Oh no!


Guy #1: I think you should just tell her how you feel, man. Tell her how you feel!
Guy #2: Yeah.


Homeless guy: What am I doing here? Am I a character in this movie?
Homeless guy's dog: I don't know. Does this movie seem sucky or what?
Homeless guy: Sucky is being kind.
Homeless guy's dog: Woof.


Guy #1: If we don't start conserving our fossil fuels and stop pollution this could happen again.
Guy #2: If only we would learn from our mistakes...
(thoughtful pause)

HORRIBLE! So much was so bad it hurt me physically! If you've seen the preview you have already seen everything good about this movie. They've made no secrets about showing every money shot in this film during previews and specials. Other than that there's nothing. There's no one to cheer for in this movie. There are no bad guys. There's no real death or depth. Manhattan gets clobbered with a tidal wave but there are no bodies. There are no twists. The main reason this movie was so painful to watch is it simply didn't have to be this terrible. It could have been great.

If they brought along with the great destruction the amazing chaos and fright- it could have had huge impact. But this movie was numbing. In between action scenes (which there are far too few) there's endless stretches of plotnessness and talking between characterless characters. And scientist Dennis Quaid goes on an adventure that makes zero sense. He's walking off at the height of the storm to save his son in NYC. Umm.. ok tough guy. And when you get there what are you gonna do exactly? Rub his shoulders? Roland Emmerich should hang his head in shame. This movie was built around a good preview. It's a trick. Get an axe.

Three Good Things About this Movie

- I did like the destruction of LA and New York. It did look pretty awesome.
- See above.
- See above.

Three Bad Things About the Movie

- It decided against being fun.
- Too wimpy to show bodies and injuries and wonderful chaos. Not enough destruction all around. Plus survival was way far too easy.
- Scientifically it seemed like bullshit. I have zero fear of what happened in this movie really happening.

All in all I know this is a movie to want to see. I ran out to see it first thing- but resist the urge to see it. Watch the preview over and over instead. Resist buying a ticket! Don't do it! Rent something! Watch the Weather Channel! There aren't enough great visuals to make this worth while! Everything across the board outside the special effects was horrible to the point where there was no way to look at it in a good light. The cheese light didn't work. The tin ear funny light didn't work. The stupid fun light didn't work. Nothing.

This disaster movie is a disaster. Puke.