Men In Black II

I just saw MIB II. It was lame. Luckily I had free movie passes that someone sent me in the mail and the price was right. They showed some awful commercials before the movie including that snowman for Lipton Cool Iced Tea or whatever. He's like skeleton underneath but then he becomes a snowman. Can they please change this campaign? It's horrible. Then I saw a couple previews that looked promising. The first was an Eddie Murphy movie with Owen Wilson. It looked funny. I forgot the name. And the second which looked surprisingly good was for the new Star Trek movie. There was also a preview for Terminator 3. They just messed with the logo or whatever. It's a year away and they're starting already. Woohoo.

Whatever. It's here! Finally! MIB II! Men in Black! The Men in Black! Are back! MIB! MIB in the house! Kicking ass! Black suits! Black ties! Talking dogs! Alien creatures that smoke cigars! Come on down! Get it while it's hot! Also Lara Flynn Boyle wearing tight clothes! Is that not enough for you? You must be crazy! Well we also got a brand new Mercedes! The new Hotness! And Johnny Knoxville acting dumb! Maybe we'll drop something on his head! Or maybe 'both' his heads! You'll have to see it to believe it! Not sold yet? There's plenty more! We got creatures in the subway! We got snake creatures! AND LOTS MORE! There's even a little love interest for Big Willie! They might kiss! For you! Pay the price! We won't disappoint you! We got jokes too! Remember how much you loved Men in Black! The first one? Well this one is just like it! Nothing to worry about! We won't change anything all kooky for you! Nice and simple! Exactly what you asked for! We even got a rap song! Nod your head! Come on! Nod your head! It's all the same!..

...except worse in every way. Unfortunately sequels are way too conservative and this is a prime example of it. We know Will Smith. We know Tommy Lee Jones. We know alot goes on behind the scenes with aliens on earth. We know these guys protect the planet. That was the fun of the first one (not that that movie was so frickin great but whatever). What I'd like to see is something different. And that's not what you get here. At all. Only glimpses of stuff that seems cool. I've always dug the idea of worlds within worlds within worlds. Go in there or go to a big giant world. Go off the planet altogether. Who cares? Destroy the universe. Whatever! Make a new movie! Do something! It's too much to ask for I know -but it would be so refreshing. A sequel that comes out of left field. A big bet. We'll never see it. 

Oh well. I won't even give you a break down of what this movie is about. You already know. You know it all too well. Will Smith has a few moments. Ha ha. The special effects are not impressive. The storyline confused me. The end.

Three Good Things About This Movie
- Lara Flynn Boyle looked kind of hot. Sort of. Not really.
- Will Smith does some decent physical comedy.
- It wasn't a complete disaster.

Three Bad Things About This Movie
- It was half boring.
- Johnny Knoxville (who I think is brilliant) wasn't in this. At all.
- I didn't understand what the hell was going on nor why I was there at all.

All in all wait for cable. There's nothing else to say. This movie just exhausted me. It wasn't funny. It wasn't cool looking. It wasn't different. It was such a safe bet. I can only hope it flops so Hollywood will think twice about being so frickin conservative. Either make something different. Or don't make it at all. 

But no matter what I'm always gonna go. That's what sucks the most for me. Because they think I like it. Because I go and see it. And as long as I'm doing that- who really cares? They don't. That's for sure. It's obvious.


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