Mr. Deeds

I just saw Mr. Deeds and it was a clunker. Let me start by saying that I am an Adam Sandler fan and have been ever since he was Stickpin on Remote Control. I think Adam Sandler is funny. I thought the Waterboy was funny. And I liked Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. But those movies were all flawed because the first 30-40 minutes are always strong and funny and then the rest of the movie falls apart in plot and 'love story'. But the first half of those movies made it all worthwhile. This movie was like the second half of those movies but the whole time.

I didn't hate this movie although it barely qualifies as a comedy. You watch it. You know exactly what it is. There are no surprises. There are no big laughs. Zero. It just sort of rolls along till it sputters out and dies. But somehow watching it chug along you kind of want to root it on. You want it to turn a corner. You want it to kick it up. But it doesn't. And when it finally ends you just nod your head and say. OK there fella. Nice try. Kind of.

If you really need to know, Adam Sandler plays this low-key dude (Longfellow Deeds) who is a pizza shop owner from a small town where everyone cheers him on in everything he does. Sandler finds out he inherits 40 billion dollars (you hear Dr. Evil when you hear that dollar figure, no?) and there's the bad guys who want to trick him out of his control of the company. Winona Ryder, perky boobed tight sweater girl, is a reporter who goes undercover to get the scoop on this new billionaire kid and falls in love. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. And What... ever. It was the ending that was truly shocking (SPOILER! DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!) Adam Sandler gets mad when he finds out he is tricked out of his money. He gets madder when he finds out Winona Ryder is not who she said she was. With the fury of love lost and the rage of a world turned against him, he curls up into and angry ball and starts shaking. Like vibrating. Then he transforms into this Red Hulk character. Muscles blasting out like regular hulk but red. Clothes blasting off. After he changes he looks horrible. Demented. Crazy. Plus his clothes tear all the way off. He's naked too. He grabs Winona and the lead bad guy by their throats and smashes their heads together. The scene is frightening and gory. He reaches down and scoops out the bad guys eyeball, looks around and through fleshy red muscley makeup and says in a deep voice, 'Red Hulk like eyeball!' He smiles a sick red smile (red teeth!) and then he pops the eyeball in his mouth and bites down. You see a squirt! A greenish squirt! He smiles again with green goo dripping down his face. The woman in front of me in the theater kind of gagged a little. The scene continued with the Red Hulk running wild on the streets of Manhattan flipping cars and throwing people through store windows. Then it seemed as if the Red Hulk noticed he was being filmed. And saw we were watching him. He stopped the rampage and stalked the camera. Then charged it and swatted it to the ground. We see static and hear a deafening Red Hulk yell, then it's blackness and silence. We sit in silence for a full 30 seconds in the dark. Then the credits roll. We hear Pete Townsend's 'Let My Love Open the Door'. The End.

Ok maybe that's not exactly what happened. Ok maybe there was no "Red Hulk". Nor an eyeball biting scene. Nor the running amok on the streets with the horror and the explosions and the blood. But a scene like that was needed to save this movie I think. Something that would turn the corner. Something where you would walk out and say, 'Holy underwear! What the hell was that?' Cause without the Red Hulk scene you know exactly what this movie is before you even see it. Only it's worse.

Three Good Things About This Movie

- John Turturro plays a butler guy who is pretty funny. He reminded me a little of Jesus from Big Lebowski. Minus the funny. And the crazy.
- It wasn't a complete disaster.
- Steve Buscemi played a crazy eye guy. Actually in retrospect he wasn't that funny either.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- They tried to go for everything and nailed nothing.
- There was no Red Hulk scene.
- It was mildly depressing just because it was so lame.

Don't bother with this movie. If you need a Sandler fix just go rent Billy Madison. With that movie you'll know all the jokes but they'll still be funny. With this movie you'll know all the jokes but they aren't.