Open Water

Bagel. Cool Ranch Doritos. Arizona Iced Tea with Ginseng. 11AM matinee. I was stupid in my head today because it's all hot outside but I know it's always like frigid in the movie theater so the smart voice in my head tried to remind me to bring like an extra shirt or something so I wouldn't be freezing in the theater. But the dumb voice in my head  was like, 'But it's hot outside! What are you gonna walk 10 blocks in the heat with the extra shirt on just so you won't be cold in the movie theater?' And I was like, 'Yes? That sounds right.' And dumb voice was like, 'Don't be such a pussy. Just go out in your shorts and t-shirt. You'll be fine.' And I was like, 'Oh. Ok. Right.' And I left the apartment in shorts and a t-shirt. The theater of course was ice cold and I ended up watching the movie with the friggin NY Post draped over my chest as a blanket. And dumb voice laughed and laughed as I shivered away. He's mean that way.

Anyway, Open Water. Good stuff! It answers the long standing question of 'Who wants to go on a dive trip in the middle of the ocean and get left behind?' That answer being, 'Nobody.' Phew. Now that's that out of the way.  I liked Open Water alot. I've only been diving once like when I was 19 or so in Barbados. A bunch of us went out on a boat with a drunk rummy. First he threw us in the pool for like 10 minutes with the equipment to 'practice'. Once we weren't all drownded he figured we knew what we were doing and he threw us out in the ocean. It was one of the most coolio experiences I've had. I looked up close at lobsters and a sunken fishing boat. I saw fish and I like swam around like one of them. We went like 20-25 feet down max and I could always see the shore. That was plenty deep and far for me. I don't think I would have the nuts or the interest to do it far out at sea or way down deep because I'm sure I'd get all flaily and hit the thing out of my mouth or get stuck inside the hull of the sunken boat with a giant squid who wants to do it with me.

But I divegress, this movie was coolio. It was so made on the cheap. Right off the bat the quality of the film is either grainy or digital or something. It's cheapness immediately gave me a fondness for its effort (although I do have to admit that the film quality was sometimes a bit of a distraction rather than a nice flavoring like Blair Witch.) Well since you brought up Blair Witch (Achem! I didn't bring it up. You did! I did? Yes! Just keep writing. Ok fine stop interrupting.).. this movie reminded me of Blair Witch. People trapped somewhere they don't want to be. Lost. No connection with civilization and unseen danger closing in as the freakout factor builds. This movie didn't freak me nearly as hard as Blair Witch did but it had its moments. A couple tense ones that made me cringe. And then double cringe when the guy behind me kept yelling out shit like 'Oh shit!' It's like, 'Shut your yap, dude! We're all thinking 'Oh shit!' Inside our heads! Not outside! If you weren't bigger than me and all mental at a 11AM matinee and if I wasn't scared of most people in general I just might shoot you a look! Right in your face! Maybe!

So this movie is pure entertainment in the raw. The story basic. And the whole time I had running in my head 'So glad I don't have to deal with that situation because it would super suck totally!' It also had some good male/female reaction instinctual things which was cool but it just wasn't realistic -because the girl would definitely be blubbery crying and all mental and the guy would have to slap her face and yell, 'Get a hold of yourself, woman!' Right? Or maybe it would really be the other way around... with the woman reference remaining the same. 

Three Good Things About This Movie

- You get to see the chick naked! Including her woowoo!
- It has some nice psychological stages as time goes by and things start sucking worse and worse.
- It was light on music and good with sporadic loud noises.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- The sharks weren't vicious enough... (and they didn't have any frickin laser beams attached to their heads)
- A bunch of times I felt like it missed some good opportunities and I wanted more overhead shots showing them as spots in the water.
- The few truly tense moments reminded me of the gaps of tensenicity.

All in all I'd say you should check out this flick. It's different and good and I thought about it the whole walk home. The ending is a nice touch too. (shhh) Granted alot of times I was thinking how it could have been done better. It's not even close to a Blair Witch level of intensity but I thought it was chompity chomp fun and more than once it made my eyes open wide and my jaw hang with my palms slapped together right under my nose. Gulp.