The Rules of Attraction

I just got back from a noon matinee of this flick. I picked up an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese from Bagel World and a Dr. Pepper. While waiting I saw the cover of the Post and it said 'Madonna Stinks' regarding her movie. Harsh. Anyway, it's raining today and seemed like a good day to laze around in a movie theater.

When I got to the Court Street theater like 15 minutes early I was the only person in the audience. I felt like a lonely billionaire in the theater in like his house. Then people started to come in and they sat too close to me for an empty theater which kind of annoyed me- but I got over it. I got to put me feet up on the chair in front of me and got comfortable. I knew nothing about this movie going in. I bought the Rules for Attraction book a while ago with full intention of reading it but I never did. I see it on my shelf over there. So I knew nothing about this movie other than it was supposed to suck. And it did. It was a frickin mess.

It started off decent enough with a party and three sexual encounters gone bad. One nightmareish. And there was alot of like backwards camera work where they like roll the film backwards. Some of those shots were kind of cool but then it got overused and was annoying. This movie was directed by Roger Avary who is 'credited' with writing Pulp Fiction with Tarantino. He tried really hard to make an interesting movie. A powerful movie. A movie that captures moments in people's lives. Instead he made a big mess like a kid with finger paints who originally wanted to make a cool picture and messed it up a little. Then to pretend he tried to mess it up on purpose continued to mess it up until it was a big mess. What the kid should do at that point is crumple it up and throw it in the garbage and start over- instead I just went to a theater and paid $5.50 to see it.

To make a too long story short, the movie stars Dawson from Dawson's Creek who plays a drunk dickhead who gives mean looks at the camera and tries to break out of his Dawsonness. See Dawson scratch his nuts. See Dawson make #2. See Dawson kiss a guy. See it's not Dawson! Would Dawson do stuff like that? If he did I bet that Dawson show would be better. And certainly better than this movie. For the most part this flick is just filler in between bad parties and it's in a world where people walk around drinking Jack Daniels out of the bottle wherever whenever. And it's loaded with 80's music, Cure, Love & Rockets, Yaz and crap. Ain't it cool? It's the 80's. Yawn.

The 'main characters' are all unlikable people all trying to find someone to share themselves with. But instead they just wander about with no real connection to any other characters or anything -and certainly not the audience. The quirkycrazy side characters used for artificial flavor- fall short of anything worthy. The girls are just around for sex in one way or another. After a while the movie did grow on me a little bit because it was like a train wreck- but it never did enough to win me over in any way. I don't understand the point of movies like this getting made.

Three Good Things About This Movie
- There were alot of topless chicks.
- Some of the shots were kind of interesting to look at.
- I liked the 'travel recap' (if you ever see this movie... which you shouldn't)

Three Bad Things About This Movie
- Nobody was real.
- It tried to be a 'cool' party but it was more like the guy who shows up at the party drunk and throws up on your rug and then pees on your cat.
- It made an attempt to be hip and relevant- but it was just an bad 80's move slathered with depressing gunk.

I knew this movie was going to suck. Somehow it had that smell. And it's starting to get frustrating for me because it's now months since I've seen a decent flick. I might have to really start to resist these bombs but somehow they keep pulling me in on the hopes that there might somehow be great underneath it all. Foiled again. Underneath this film was nothing.... and not the good nothing... the bad nothing.