So today I went to go see the Sideways movie. The same dude who made Election and About Schmidt made this flick. I didn't know much about Sideways other than it seemed winey and whiney. But it had Paul Giamatti, so for a rainy day I decided to see this one instead of Polar Express or whatever. So whatever. 

I saw it at this place Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM) that has a movie theater. I've never been there before and it was kind of coolio there. They had like groovy arched ceilings and stuff and the theater was sorta rounded. The only problem was like halfway thru this movie I noticed a faint beeping noise in the theater. Like some battery needed replacing in some emergency light or something. The slightest hint of beeping- but every time the movie quieted down (which was very often) I heard the friggin beeping. the beeping! 20 minutes of beeping! i sat there listening to it until I finally got all ruffled up and ran downstairs to tell the lady to please stop the friggin beeping please for gods sake enough with the beeping beeping beeping. It's so slight but so there! LIKE A FRICKIN DRIPPING FAUCET! BEEP! BEEP! MAKE IT STOP BEFORE I RIP MY SEAT OUT OF THE FRIGGIN ROW LIKE A DRUNK JETS FAN HULK! BEEP! BEEP! AND HURL IT AT THE SCREEN! NO MO BEEP BEEP! Ok... ok...

Anyway, Sideways. Was it good? Not really actually. Was it bad? Not really actually. It just was. The movie is basically about two dudes who drive out to caly wine country to have one last bachelor getaway before one of em gets married (party time! excellent!) And they drive around and drink alot of wine and get mixed up with stuff and demonstrate to us why they are characters in the movie. They demonstrate this by having outbursts about some things, confessions about other things, realizations about some other things, and fights about yet more other things. Nothing strikingly deep or revealing. All this takes place in the beautiful sweeping row-y wine country with frequent stops to drink up some wine..

And there was a friggin lot of wine in this movie. Tastings. Talks. Discussions. Wine is like life. Wine is the center of the friggin universe. Knowledge of wine, wineries, grapes, sniffing, swirling, swooshing, spitting, swigging, snooting, snogging, snorting, snobbing, and tom sneed snoidery. The wine talky talk tirelessly ran circles around my next to no knowledge of wine. And although the wine enthusiasm was appreciated and the conversation chewy, the characters unavoidably sometimes crossed over to being bores.

Which was the main problem with this movie. A nice healthy chunk of it is straight-out boring and it felt lazy with some acting stretches and clunky clunk dialogue. All of that being said I didn't hate this movie. There was something soothing about it for the most part. Like a lazy drive around through these people's lives with nice scenery. Top down. Nice breeze. Nice blonde. Interesting asian chick. Lonely souls grasping and connecting. There was definitely some good stuff. Some good funny funny. But the characters didn't really get under my skin and if anything they occasionally just irritated it. This movie was like a whim in a blah mood with a giggle and wink. A decent snapshot into some lives, soaked in wine and regret. Fine. The problem is neither the wine nor the people were that all that interesting...

Three Good Things About This Movie

- It did try to teach me lots of interesting stuff about wine.
- There were some good scenes and a bunch of moments that hit the target.
- Giamatti is real fun when he gets yelly and mad.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- Everything they tried to teach me about wine I've already forgotten (stupid short term memory)
- It was a solid 20 minutes too long.
- The wedding rings twist was hack.

All in all I'd say if you're into wine you'll probably get a kick out of this flick. It's sort of an interesting film to look at and there's momentum in the monotony. It just took so dang long just to get to the point that it... umm... wait...  what was the point again? The point... the point.... Umm..ok... .How bout this, "Wine is very tasty and people are very peopley."?

There. Now gimme a friggin beer.