Son of the Mask
So the other day the nephews stayed over and they told me they wanted to see Son of the Mask.
There's
not enough bad things I can say about this movie but I'll give it a shot:
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- Talking animated live action babies are gross and disturbing and disturbing and gross and I don't understand why 'they' don't understand that yet.
- The special effects were very 1989 cheesed.
- Jamie Kennedy sucked and when he tried to imitate Carrey's mask it was like awful karaoke played through broken speakers.
- If you are ever sick and you hock up a big loogie and go to spit it but you don't spit it right and you get a gross string of phlegm that lands down your chin. That's this movie.
- It reminded me that the great Steven Wright is totally underused.
- If the projector was loaded with taffy, honey, and sand it still would have been less of a mess than this flick.
- Some of it was disturbing and scary on bizarre disturbingish levels.
- It made no sense and knew it and bragged about it.
- Alan Cummings disgraced himself and his craft.
- It was like a wet willy.
- There was a solid 10 minute stretch which was just a baby crying non-stop.
- The music was pukey and dumb across the board.
- The lighting was too dark for most of the movie and when it was lit up it reminded me I liked it better dark.
- Compared to the original movie is like comparing a big mac to a big mac that got thrown up by a dog.
- The only jokes that worked involved pee and farts. The nephews liked it when Jamie Kennedy got pee in his face. I liked it too but for different reasons.
- Every single scene had its own special style of disappointment.
- The kids didn't think it was fun. They both sort of shrugged afterwards like I just took them on a walking tour at the Museum of Doorknobs.
- The musical number that Jamie Kennedy did was the musical equivalent of getting hit by a bike messenger and landing thumb first in a pile of dog poop.
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All in all this movie is horrendous and it is the lowest point for me since I've been reviewing movies. I should have known better than to take my nephews to see something which was obviously so superterrible. I feel guilty that I exposed them to something so friggin bad. Even though they wanted to see it I should have hit the override button and rented something or something.
Do not see this movie under any circumstances ever. If you're stuck on a plane and they put it on. I'd recommend going into the bathroom and staring at the toilet. It's more entertaining by far. It's got color and swirl and action and it might even become interesting.
Plus at the very least you can respect the fact that it has a purpose.
PS. I tried to record my nephews into reviewing this movie with me but they were a little shy and distracted by my graphics tablet and the geeky stuff on my desk.
Here tis.