T3: Rise of the Machines

So I skipped out for midnite show tonite for a little Ah-nuld. There was a surprisingly long line for the ticket window but I skipped that line and used the ticket 'machine'. I looked over at the people waiting on line like, 'hey!... these machines... they work... hello?' Maybe I'm the dumb one for putting my absolute trust in machines. But the ticket machine is such a non-threat! It can't even walk or even wobble! It's got no weapons! That machine can't do anything to me! I can push it over if I wanted! Then what is it gonna do!? Rise up? I don't think so! It'll just lie there on the floor feeling stupid for even trying to start with me! None of this Maximum Overdrive crap! Gimme my ticket, bitch and shut up! That's right! AND say thank you! 

Anyway, I sat pretty close to the front and put up my feet. Someone carrying a large box sat down in the row in front of me. He put the box on the seat next to him and then immediately fell asleep draped over the box. He made me nervous. What was in the big box that he was carrying around? At midnite? Why was he seeing this movie with this big box? And sleeping? Before the previews even started? Speaking of previews I saw one for a movie that looked like it shouldn't exist at all. 'The Whole Ten Yards'. Sequel to 'The Whole Nine Yards'. Did this movie really need a friggin sequel? I bet they thought calling it 'The Whole Ten Yards' was really clever. Uh huh. Brainiacs.

Anyway, T3. I assumed this movie was gonna suck. The previews looked sort of dated with the silvery mutation thing and the humanoidish robot army with the laser guns all walking computizey with the red eyes. And I was also nervous about the hot chick terminatrix. I thought it was going to be a real challenge for hot chick girl to be scary when I'm looking at her all hot chicky and stuff. But surprisingly none of this stuff bothered me. In fact this whole movie didn't bother me. It was fun.

I've never been an obsessive Terminator fan. I liked both of them. Conceptually they were always kind of groovy. But I tried not to think about them too much logically because although I've never really thought it through I know that if I did think it through it would make no sense. Little things like, if the robots are smart enough to time travel. Ya gotta assume they can do whatever the hell they want. Even if they couldn't kill John Connor. Why not just go back and alter their own destiny to neutralize the Connor threat? If they know what's coming why don't they just... and even if... and then if... and then if that happened wouldn't that...Or why not terminate the line of terminators that keep saving him before they roll off the assembly line? My advice is to put all that thinking aside. The prime directive for enjoying stuff like this: Accept their logic. It's not all that bad anyway.

I have no real complaints here. Was I blown away? Nah. But was I entertained throughout? Yup. The whole movie was sort of light. It didn't take itself too seriously except when it came to the action. Great crashy. Nice smashy. Fun shooty. Slam punchy. And throwy.  Arnold nails his role of playing a robot just fine. He has some funny lines. He has some unfunny lines. Every time he stretched for a catchphrase you kind of roll your eyes. It's like... don't bother, dude. But I like Arnold. He's funny to look at and watch walk around and talk goofy. The guy who played John Connor (who I couldn't place where i've seen him) did a really good job. And that made up for the weakest link. Claire Danes. Sorry. Linda Hamilton was resourceful and asskicking. Claire Danes was Claire Danes. She screamed and yelled annoyingly for like the first hour. But they shut her up nicely which I appreciated. And I liked the Terminatrix. She had a good spaciness to her and was hot enough to be hot but not overly distractly hot like...umm... 7 of 9.

So whatever. If you like Terminator movies you'll probably dig this one. Some of the action is crunchingly sweet. (Not really sure what they spent $170M on though. 170?) But when that truck goes end up with the wheels still spinning. You just gotta like that. So if it cost them $25M to do make trucky go flippy just so I say 'Oh wow'. Go ahead, ya movie making monkeys! Dance for me! Dance I say!

Three Good Things About this Movie

- The action scenes came off like the people who orchestrated them were having fun and half-stoned laughing while shooting it.
- Although I didn't really think through the whole movie. In the end it did make me go...hmm....
- You get to see hot Terminatrix's butt when she walks down the street naked.

Four Bad Things About the Movie

- Some of the dialogue was physically painful. 'It's up to us! We gotta save the future!' type stuff... Ouch.
- Claire Danes. Her presence was distracting and she was too clean throughout. Arnold's face is all trashed and she's in full makeup?
- Not enough Arnold interaction with regular people who don't know he's a Terminator.
- The fuckin sound kept cutting out in the movie and it was driving me crazy. Like one scene Arnuld gets thrown thru a wall... in silence. I wanted to ask for my money back just for that. It happened like 5x.

So that's what I think bout that. For a pretty much straight out action movie this movie kept me watching. But I think it needs to be seen in a theater. To wait for video would be a mistake. Unless you got one of those sick flat screens with the boom boom kaplow! BWAP! sound. Cause plotwise it ain't all that gripping. But I definitely appreciated a sequel that seemed very forced out of the studios not do its own time traveling and terminate some of the coolness of its predecessors.