X-Men: The Last Stand

So the other night I headed out to see this flick but it was totally friggin swamped at the cinema cineplex. Everything was sold out all the way through the midnite show. So I bagged it and headed out with a friend of mine to see the noon matinee yesterday. When I got to the theater a half-hour early there was already a line. Leading the pack was great trio. A rotund goggle glasses dude in high-waters, a pseudo-tough ponytailed guy with an original air-brushed wolverine shirt and a tall gangly girl with dark eyed makeup. The three of them looked super psyched. They might as well have been standing there with their palms facing up and only the whites of their eyes showing. In that other world of x-citement. Hopefully they weren't too disappointed-- but realistically it was probably hard to miss the fact that this movie brings down the soaring jet of this franchise. It hits the runway hard, snaps it's wheels off and skids on its belly shooting sparks everywhere. Yeah it does look kind of cool and in the end everyone survives the crash.... but the whole thing ain't pretty.

(BTW, me and my friend went full-on piggy pig picnic for the this flick. Totally full-out deli-ed ourselves. All stuffed in my carry-in bag. We're talking turkey subs (oh... I mean heros... or grinders or wedges or whatever..), potato chips, macaroni salad, mozzarella balls in oil (that sort of pushed it. it opened up in the bag all oily everywhere. gross.), devil dogs, sodas, water. The whole thing! Totally a good call (except the oil part)! Matinees deserve a picnic!)

Anyway, I don't even know what to write about this movie really. It does the job. It gets from A to B. It doesn't disgrace the franchise. Wolverine slashes up the place. Some of the new mutants are acceptably cool. Especially the guy who produced weird screwy daggers from his wrists. BUT I'm 100% done with fire and ice shooting out of hands bit forever. And I'm done with Storm rolling her eyes up to make "clouds move". Yay. I've had it with Cyclops and his lame sissy laserbeams. I'm over what's her face mopey hair-streak who only wants to make out. I'm done with blue freaks in general. I laugh at Magneto's goofball helmet. I'm bored of Dr. X's speeches about how mutants should be proud or whatever. I'm done trying to keep track of everyone. And I especially get annoyed at mutants who don't like being mutants. Oh no! I have big beautiful white wings on my back and can fly around like a bird! Woe is me? Waah! I'm done with all that.

However, I'm not done with the Golden Gate bridge being used as transportation. I'm not over cars flying through the air on fire. I'm not bored at all seeing some fun giant dude crash through a series of walls head first. I always dig a truck flipping with the raise of a hand. I still get pumped up by Wolverine jumping into someone's face and x-ending them. I enjoy unleashed power. I like mental physical fights. I like people getting mushed under heavy things. Rebecca Romaine's blue boobs and butt are nicely on display. Yadda. So there was some good stuff in there no doubt-- but when all was said and done, the true success of this movie was constantly distracting me from the fact that it totally sucks.

Three Good Things About this Movie

- Magneto is the coolest of all the mutants and I think I'd actually be on his side if I was a mutant.
- Things go boom! Some other things go zooooommm blammmmm! And others go bwam!
- I still like toying in my brain with the political angles.

Three Bad Things About this Movie

- Magneto's little gaggle of mutants were like lame lost boys or something.
- There was an undertaste of boredom throughout.
- It tried to hide the fact that there wasn't really much of a plot... only a hodgepodge of situation.

All in all, the movie stayed above water for me... but barely. It simply never really got good enough to qualify as good nor bad enough to be bad. More than once I teetered on completely dropping out of this movie and turning on it entirely. But somehow with a flashy special effect of a twinge of coolness it kept me from shooting out my own claws, launching myself at the screen, and ripping the whole thing into shreds-- but I was quietly growling through the whole thing with wiggly itchy fingers and one eyebrow raised...