June 07 2011

Dickish Name Change Question

All this Weiner talk has got me wondering about last names like Weiner. There’s so many rough last names out there like Weiner. Doody, Dick, Lipschitz, Hymen, Baals, Wang, Poonwaggle, Dickinbutt, Crapnoodle whatever etc. All those “ha-ha” names.

It must be no joy to grow up with a last name like that. From day one if your last name is ‘Doody’ it’s gotta be full-blast non-stop doody doody jokes until you’re an adult, right? Then they probably don’t even stop then…

I get that these names are family names. There’s probably a whole tree of em all the way back to the old country — but at some point I feel it’s ok to simply let go. And put a stop to it. For the sake of the children. If your last name is Dickinbutt– why (why!) send your kid to school with that name? You certainly remember the Dick in Butt jokes! Change it to Deckenbat! Boom done! It’s almost the same thing!Doody can become Doodster! Lipschitz can be Lapdance! Whatever! I dunno.

And what’s with the parents who don’t pick up on the fact that you don’t go with the friggin combo name. Like if your last name is Cumming… don’t name your kid Richard. Nicknames need to be taken into account at all costs. Dick! Dick Cumming! Cmon! (btw is Dick a dead nickname or do some Richards still like Dick?)

I’ve known a couple Doodys in the past. I’ve known some Weiners. And a Wang. And they all seem weary from the burden of their last name. I don’t think so much from insecurity– but simply being so very tired of hearing all the immature jokes a million times over. Jokes told to them as if they have never heard them before. Isn’t the Lipschitz joke crushingly stale for Dick Lipschitz?

So I wonder if it’s really worth it? Is a family name passing down from generation to generation that important when it becomes an albatross like that? Times change. Terminology changes. Think about how much better off Congressmen Weiner would be if he had a normal last name? (Probably not very. Dummy). But if he went with the name change back in the day… at least he wouldn’t have to deal the NY Post having a field day with their headlines. It’s too easy. All these last names all so out of the box scandal ready…

Maybe easier said than done– and changing a name is a pain in the butt. But if your last name is Butt? Maybe it’s worth it. Everyone would understand. And if you decide to keep Butt… don’t name your friggin kid Anita!! How do you not know?!

ok bye!

PS. Apologies to anyone with difficult names. Post funny names you’ve heard below if you wannas…


S.Starshine says:

How about Lulabelle Turnipseed? A gal in my class in The Bronx. It did not help that she was from the deep south…Poor kid.


A REAL Dick says:

My real name is Rich. I still remember meeting a teacher on the first day of school like thirty years ago and the conversation went like this:

TEACHER: Can I call you Dick?

ME: No.

Just thought I’d share that. The other thing is when being introduced as Rich, some people- and we’re talking about people old enough to be considered “mature”- say something clever like “Oh! You must have a lot of money! I wish I were rich!” Like I’ve never heard that before.

My standard response for the last 25 years or so is to just stop talking with a blank stare on my face, like I’m trying to figure out what they meant. Inevitably, they start to explain the “joke”, and I suddenly start laughing and tell them I’ve NEVER made the connection between a name and one’s personal financial situation and it’s the funniest thing I’ve heard. Leaves ’em guessing.

HEY says:

…Todd Rosenberg…
honestly, who would do that to their child?

the REAL weeze says:


Nicol says:

I met a Rusty Stump when I worked at the airport (showed me his drivers license). Also Delicious Jackson. I knew a girl named Vagunda. Not kidding. The “G” was pronounced like a “J”.

SteveH says:

I knew a guy named “John Thomas”. The announcer at London’s heathrow airport refused to make an announcement over the PA when he got separated from his party.

He claims his parents didn’t know….yeah, right!! LOL!!

My Butt Here says:

Well you last name conjours up images of traitor spies who were executed. Nobody is putting that on you. I guess it’s only something if you really want it to be.

Krankor says:

I used to work with a guy named Dick Growcock. No, I am not making this up.

darksidegirl7 says:

Everyone ALWAYS asked how much was I worth!

Anonymous says:

There’s a newscaster in Chicago named Dick Johnson.

Anonymous says:

Former Knicks assistant coach Dick Harter.

MsM says:

My kids had a teacher named Mrs. Butt. They called her Mrs. Boot.
I rented an antique booth from a man named Harry Horney.
My brother who once worked for a county agency met two women, one named Vagina (Her mother thought it sounded pretty) the other named Female (Pronounced Fe mal’ ee)


i knew a kid in junior high named Richard bluet. he said he was not going to change the last name for any kid he had. wanted to preserve the pain for future generations. since his parents did it to him, he was going to do it to do it to future generations.

lyonmane says:

Hung Duong. And I heard from the ladies that he was.

Pittsburgh Dude says:

Mrs. Dicks and Mr. Kuntz (pronounced the naughty way). They had rooms next to each other at a high school near me. I never believed it until someone took me to the rooms. There were their names on the teachers’ desks, plain as day.

We also had a school Superintendent named Harry Pitt. And my sister had a classmate in college named Poppy Seed.

Anonymous says:

Richard Hatch likes Dick.

Oh, maybe that isn’t what you mean. Nevermind.

Anonymous says:

The name of the of the doctor that delivered me on my Birth Certificate is Fingerbut.

me says:

I used to know a Richard Wack and thought it was the worst until I met Richard Dick.

I think doctors should be able to veto the name parents choose in cases like that.

Ginger Campaign says:

Just because my name is Ginger, doesn’t mean that I have Ginger red or skin! Don’t forget to vote for me in 2012.


jiggy says:

My old boss’s name is Harry Johnson.

Anonymous says:

Barbara Pantseroff. Don’t know if she was easy.

Anonymous says:

A friend’s father is named Harry and her brother is Tom. Her mother noticed one day and asked, “I’ve got a Tom and a Harry — where’s my Dick?!?”

She didn’t realize what she’d said until we about pissed ourselves laughing. It’s been 25 years, and it still makes me smile.

Steven: says:

My wife’s maiden name was Dickey. Now, it’s Banks… Robin Banks. But it’s OK. Sometimes it takes new acquaintances months to react.

Steven: says:

Oops. Dude, where’s my delete button?

Donny says:

I went to high school with an asian kid named Fok Vu. Hilarious when teachers did roll call, especially with only first names.

Max says:

It’s funny, my name is Maxwell Biguglyfaggotburg. People always make fun of me for it. I’ve never understood why.

Anonymous says:

went to school with a Meadow Head, her dad’s name was Richard Head. This is in Michigan, and easily able to find online.

Val Gal says:

My father’s name is Richard Cummins …

Lorelei says:

This Cambodian dude in my junior high named Bioux Hou (spelling?) who was some sort of badass troublemaker… his name must’ve blared over the school intercom several times a day…


Although not exactly those actual words.

lisa_n says:

My maiden name was Sweat, so yes I’ve heard it all. Usually people around you get used to it and it’s not so funny anymore. There was always that first day of school when your name gets read & you have to brace yourself for the same old yuks. I’m not close to my dad or his family so I was REALLY happy to ditch it when I got married.

Goats says:

“Gross” Not a happy camper still….need to change it. But too lazy to do it….

Andrew says:

My wifes gynocologist, Dr. Richard Stiff

optional says:

What about 70’s Russian figure skater Turnya Tuchasova.

Anonymous says:

Who would name their kid Odd Todd?

Rod Hardmann says:

Hey, how do you think I feel? It’s sure a good thing that I ended up going into adult films, with that name of mine and whatnot. And the fact that I’m a very well-endowed black man.

Anonymous says:

I once knew a guy named Earnest Fingers, and another named Dick McNutt.

— Buddy Dice

stef says:

my boyfriend’s mom’s maiden name is roque. her first name is sandra. sandy rock.

Anonymous says:

Gay Beach. Her married name. She chose to use it.

Anonymous says:

No fooling, Anita Gurney, Kitty Wang, Young Poon….all I can think of right now, but these names ALWAYS get my attention lol!

Anonymous says:

this far without mentioning dick trickle???

Bleh says:

Two of my favorite names from my previous job: Swallow Wang and Rod Palmer.

Anonymous says:

I grew up with a guy named Beaver Packer.

Anonymous says:

I know a guy named Richard Wang. He alternates his social-networking-site name between Dick Wang and Rich Hard Wang

Anonymous says:

All the Richards I know that prefer the nickname Dick were dicks

Beth Ann says:

My insurance guy is Larry Glasscock.

Ash-lay says:

I knew a kid with the last name of Butts. It was pretty sad. I often wondered if he would change it later on. I hope he did! That’s a real bummer to have to carry that thing around and pass onto your children.

waverly says:

The reverend in our town was called Reverend Seaman.


Fuckybutt says:

I went to high school with a girl named Summer Fortuna.

She got called “For somemore tuna”

TanukionB8's says:

Worked with a guy named Hiscock.

Anonymous says:

I dated a guy named Mister. LOL! He showed me his liscense too. He said his dad was going to name him Master and thought THAT would be inappropriate. (He was African American) lol

Anonymous says:

At church camp there was a counselor named Mike Hunt… and yes, he went by MIKE, Not Michael. Anyway – when we played the “find the counselors” scavenger hunt (kind of like hide and go seek) it made the periodic loudspeaker announcements interesting. “No one has found Mike Hunt! Campers, keep looking for Mike Hunt! Who will find Mike Hunt?”

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