August 25 2010

Need to Find My Exercise

I’ve never seriously exercised before. Ever. Not on any sort of regular basis. I’ve played sports and done stuff like that. And on and off over the years I do stints on the ‘elliptical’ machine. But people who do ‘real’ exercise tell me that the elliptical machine is sort of the lowest form of exercise. That it is close to doing next to nothing. Yoga is more of a workout etc…

There’s been lots of reasons why I’ve never been into exercising.

1. I’ve been blessed with a natural physique with situational abs and umm… buff fortecs and all that and I don’t want to mess with that perfection.

2. I feel if I do something like say… jogging– my awesome mannish superhero strides will make other joggers feel bad about their own non-awesome non-superhero strides. And I don’t want people to feel bad about their superheroless strides.

3. There’s a side of me that feels that exercise is actually unnecessary. A myth. Not only because women tell me that my ‘gut’ is cute (not helping)– but I feel like hard exercise might actually be more damaging long term rather than healthy…

Like, you’re telling me my knees aren’t stronger than the guy who runs marathons every year? You’re telling my heart isn’t stronger than the weight lifter who strains his heart every day? You’re telling me the crazy guy in Russia who is 115 years old got there by… exercise? I’ve never even seen a 115 year old buff guy! Ever!


I do believe in a healthy lifestyle and very much believe in eating good ‘non-poisonous’ fresh unpackaged foods. But I’ve felt for a while that walking a couple miles with my dog everyday– pretty much covers me exercise wise. It may not make me ‘buff’– but for years I’ve been checking off ‘dog walking’ as my form of exercise. Stress-reliever and all that.

I would definitely exercise more in sports if I could. I played on a softball team this summer with some high-quality softball gear but the games were too few and far between. I suck at basketball. Always have. Can’t go left. Tennis is too difficult in the city. I’ve played racquetball here and there but it’s too reliant on others and scheduling and stuff.

But I feel nowadays, I gotta be doing something more– and I’ve been considering some ‘gym oriented’ exercise stuff. It’s down to these three. Spinning, Boxing and Plilates. Other stuff is out. Boxing is the most appealing considering I honestly don’t know what Spinning or Plilates are. And spinning sounds like something that’ll make me hurl. But I gotta do one of em I think. Or I’d appreciate advice otherwise…

You might be wondering why I am considering exercise at all if I think regular hard exercise is unnecessary and unhealthy. I just think people who exercise alot normal style look better— and I have fat face. Again.

ok bye!


Anonymous says:

go for the boxing, todd. and don’t lie, your new exercise lust is because you wanna impress the ladies.

Crumbles says:

I took up boxing once… I stepped into the ring and WHAM

Mickey the Trainer says:

You’re gonna eat thunder and crap lightning, Rock!

WTF?!?!?!? says:

So instead of new cartoons, Todd is now doing stand-up comedy?!?!?!?

Jackass says:

Thank god your not doing comedy…..

Medusa says:

Luv ya tOdd!!!!

Megan says:

You are a pathetic, excuse-making loser. xx

Robert says:

Huh? Are you implying that tOdd is a loser because of his opinions on exercise?

[…] this article: Need to Find My Exercise « Tags: actually-unnecessary-, exercise, feel-like, long-term, might-actually, not-helping, […]

retodd says:

Get a bike and run your errands on it. Done and done.

Jackass says:

He already walks when doing errands you tard….He doesn’t have a car. How is riding a bike better than walking? A bike is more efficient and will burn less energy….you a tard for sure

Amy says:

I agree with Megan and this post is obnoxious to people who believe in exercize

Try again tODD

Jackass says:

your a tard Amy.

the REAL weeze says:


Laura says:

When I needed to loose weight I got a personal trainer and I never looked back

Comic Book Guy says:

Worst. Post. Ever.

Anonymous says:

I hired a personal trainer, and it’s really nice. Also, I did a boot camp this summer that was pretty awesome.

newb says:

spin spin spin! i started cycling this summer, and it’s bomb. i HATE running.

Mike says:

Get the stick out of your ass; the only thing obnoxious about this post was your comment. And I guess this response to your comment too. 🙂

ALON says:

How are you going to make sure you stick with whatever you decide to do? You know we love ya, kid, but over the years you haven’t really impressed us with your perseverance! Anyway, whatever you do I wish you luck. If it comes down to those 3 choices, I say 1. Pilates (to see hot chicks), 2. Spinning (to see hot chicks), 3. Boxing (…uhmm… to see sweaty dudes…) The idea to get a bike is awesome, but you’ll forget all about it after hauling it up and down those stairs in your apartment. Try going for a run a couple times a week. Get good shoes and you’re good to go! No membership, no schedules, no hassle.

Goats says:

Clearly, Amy and Megan are fatties, or former fatties who couldn’t take it….and now resent others who don’t exercise like neurotic gerbils. I say do what feels right. SPinning is just the bike—and getting yelled at to crank on the tension by a drill instructor. Pilates is abs. I say just join a gym, again, and do an hr 2-3 times per wk. You can 1/2 hr of various cardio and 1/2 hr of weights. That, plus your roscoe walks, will keep you fit enough.

WTF?!?!?!?!?!? says:

” neurotic gerbils ” ?!?!?!?!?!? Hahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!
Funniest thing I’ve read today.

Lorelei says:

I used to run, but it frucked my knees, feetses and back up. I also had shin-splints to beat the Yeti.

I started swimming a few years ago, and I LOVE it. It’s great for… well, everything, and you don’t get the greasy back/butt zits you would doing any sort of sweaty exercise on land.

AND you don’t have to be social with ANYONE while yer head is ducked under that lovely, cold wadda.

It’s kinda like being on the toilet or in the shower: I tend to give birth to my best ideas while there.

KelBel says:

I do a bootcamp at a boxing gym and it is great! I have so much more energy even tho I am exerting more energy-I love it! I lost 5% of my body fat in the first 6 weeks!

BUT because it is at a boxing gym i see what the boxing classes are like. They are for fit people todd. You will hurt yourself. Start w/ pilates.

Mr. Dong says:


KelBel says:

And ya-what is with all the hating? Todd is right, sometimes exercise nuts do end up hurting their bodies permanently-my shoulder cracks each and every time I lift it from trying to perfect my tennis serve in High School-My ankle is frocked from trying to steal second base at some point in life. I feel them both each major rain storm and now that I work out every regularly.

But, what todd may not understand is that pushing yourself with even some cardio IS good for your heart and makes it stronger! If your heart be trained to work hard and ‘pump it up’, then you are less likely of having a heart attack or having other heart-related diseases. Its not the guy that jogs twice a week that ends up croaking from the heart attacks, its the stocky guys that have weak hearts that can’t handle pumping hard from stress that have heart attacks-the ones that have been pumping at the same rate for years and therefore have all clogged arteries from blood circulating all slow like and gives it time to clump and therefore clog the arteries!

Both sides of the spectrum (exercise nuts and people that do no exercise) have lifestyles that are harmful to your body. Sorry todd, but walking the dog does not count as exercise-that just counts as moving-just check you heart rate before and during the walk-hardly any difference! I’m not ragging on you Todd I swear! I just want you to live a long happy life-there are very skinny people out there with clogged arteries because they never thought to exercise because weight wasn’t an issue for them.

I like the swimming idea if you have a pool available to you. It works each and every muscle in your body while giving you a good cardio workout!

Anonymous says:

Skinny people such as?

LI Wise says:

I found this post obnoxious as well. This idiotic attitude is the mantra of the lumpy and lazy. Bounce your non-exercise attitude off my ass!!~

Jackass says:

No one says you need to live by his views….jeez you people are such whining tards

Mickey the Trainer says:

Eat thunder! Crap lightning! Keep hitting him, Rock!

Long Duck Dong says:

Why has no one stated the obvious and most appealing excercise?

Twelve oz curls! You can aspire to greatness the the 40 oz curls.

WTF is Pirates? Do you hafta where an eyepatch while doing it?

hebba says:

I’d say pilates…you’ve posted about your back problems in the past and in your pics, you always seem to have bad posture. I’m not a big fan of spinning….the instructors never seem to know anything except how to yell useless things like “Push it!” or “Go, Go, Go!”. And I’m pretty sure you’d hurt yourself in boxing.
Maybe pushups and situps in your apartment?

Bark 5 says:

How can this post be obnoxious? All you polictically correct pussies need to work out or eat a box of doughnuts. If something bothers you, quit reading it you losers. Hey Todd do what works best for you.

Medusa says:

I met someone like bark 5 once. He parked his porsch next to my truck at the stadium and made the dounut comment at my friend, funny how he moved his car real fast after we mentioned it would probably be upside down when he came back.
Fat people need love to ya know, sting them and they just get more swollen.

Ash-lay says:

Just for your info- Pilates is like Yoga, but harder and sometimes involving machinery. You would be the only guy in the room. (but maybe that’s a good thing?)
Perhaps just do a couple more blocks with Roscoe? I hate going to the gym. Complete waste of time and money. And I feel like I have to “dress up” to go to the gym.

Oh! Better idea! Play Just Dance on the Wii. (you need a Wii) Great workout, and kinda fun!

Jackass says:

Todd, do a cycle of Steroids. done and done

Krankor says:

Weight lifting. Just a bit of moderate weight lifting every other day will do wonders for your looks and your energy level. It’s probably the least time consuming way to exercise and the best way to develop some upper body muscle tone. Your walking is very good for the cardio aspect – keep it up.

Anonymous says:

Wow! People got REAL upset all b/c tOdd said he wanted to start working out and asked for advise? One might think he stated his intentions to start an underground dog fighting ring or something. The guy just wants to get in shape, and as with most of his posts, includes his readers (opinions, their own experiences, etc). Whatever. I agree with Krankor and the other non-gym people. Weights plus the walking you do with Roscoe should keep you in decent shape. Swimming is awesome too, if you have access to a pool. Good Luck!

Bob in Peru says:

When You’re watching late night TV, order up some exercise equipment that’ll double as clothes hangers because that’s what they’ll end up being used as. So you’re fluffy ? Bee + Take heart that you maintaine the same height.

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

Here’s the Big Secret:

Are you ready? Write this down:

Eat less. Exercise more.

Any questions?

Even I know this, and I have, well, sh!t for bra!ns.

Anonymous says:

YOGA – you will meet a lot of women there. That’s motivation

Jillinois says:

Meet up with this guy. Take Roscoe with you. Take pix as you go. Very “Route 66” or “Forest Gump”. Or “The Road” 🙁

CaptainBob says:

interval training aka sprints. Fastest way to burn fat. Go find a track or somewhere where you can run in a straight line. Run as fast as you can for 100 meters, then walk back, and repeat maybe 8 times. With warm up and warm down you can be done in 40 minutes. Make sure you stretch lots or you’ll hurt bad. Also, you’re first time out don’t be ashamed if you keel over after 3 sprints.

Anonymous says:

Ah yes – exercise equipment. I have a $1000 elliptical machine sitting in the corner of my bedroom right now that my SO just HAD to have – and it’s been there for 18mos and has been ridden what? Twice? Life lesson #1365: Do not waste your money on exercise equipment, people.

Eat less. Brisk walking. Some resistance exercise. You’re golden.

Jane says:

Kickboxing. Sport of the future.

Ollie says:

Vigorous sex, and if that gets boring, invite another person.

xxx says:

Running is great exercise!

– Jim Fixx

billy says:

What about badminton???

NutCracka says:

Cycling is way bad for your junk.

My Butt Here says:

Keep it light and you will find it easier to stick with and not get overwhelmed. What works for me is an easy to do workout. I only use two 20 pound free weights. I do three repititions of 5 arm curls,5 wrist curls,5 tricept curls,5 butterfly curls,5 back curls and 5 shoulder lifts. Then three reps of 5 push ups. This only takes about ten minutes to do and doesn’t bulk you up on muscles but does keep you in shape. I can do this workout three times a week and it doesn’t wear me out. I also throw in a bike ride once or twice a week, I keep it fun and not serious and go for and hour long ride. This works the legs and lower part of my body. Also the diet has alot to do with it, I eat a good breakfast, lunch and dinner. I wait for my body to tell me when it’s time to eat the next meal by me stomach growling. I don’t set times to eat and if I get the fake hunger signs other than my stomach growling, I drink a glass of water. I also don’t snack between meals. I’ve been doing this light and and workout diet routine for almost a year now and I’ve lost about 50 pounds. Just remember eat foods you want to eat and keep your exercise fun.

Travis says:

Eat a couple apples a day and your face will get thinner. It’s the pectin or something.

MsM says:

Sex doubles your metabolism.

born again runner says:

I inadvertently got into running. They have these tvs on all the treadmills at the gym, and I was waiting for my wife so I jumped on and watched 2 episodes of Seinfeld before I knew what hit me. Holy shit, I realized. I just walked/jogged an hour!

This continued for awhile until just for shits and grins I followed my wife on her bike while I jogged on this awesome river trail near our home. Skip ahead 4 years and I now iPod my ass off on another trail as much as I can. The dog goes with me (2 birds, etc.), and everything fits more comfortably. It also really helps that there is a “Turkey Trot” here every turkey day, and I run that thing just ’cause.

Anyhoo, jogging is the simplest thing in the world to do for exercise. There are a lot of people who do it for a reason. It’s way easier than it looks.

If you’re a mere mortal I’d recommend this method that even my Grandmother coulda done:

Al says:

Sup Todd, I work out so much (weights,running)I swear i’d look like a freaking greek statue if I didnt typically follow up my workout with a stop by the sub shop and liquor store. (damn you whiskies of the world, stop being delicious!) I honestly think just being mildly active (dog walking)combined with a moderate diet will make you much healthier in the long run than my stupid lifestyle.

That said, if you have a “gut” and want it gone, your current ratio of work to lazy ratio is out of whack. Pick up the pace on those dog walks- or modify the diet and you should be where you want to be.

p.s.- ive boxed, my ex girl did cycling, and that shit is really, really hard. In my honest opnion nothing will tone you faster than a decent boxing routine, but im telling you, that shit is way the hell harder than it looks. mucho endurance. (I quit, obviously)

Mike says:

I’m not unemployed, but over-employed. Three jobs gives me really little time for exercise nevermind anything else. The only constant energetic activity I do is walk my dog, but for the last week I’ve been running him. He loves it and I’m feeling better about doing something about my slowing metabolism – give it a shot with Roscoe.


i also want to box, but my job relies on my hands being in good shape and i’m afraid i’ll hurt myself and then i won’t be elligible for paid sick leave while I recover.
boxing is damn sexy.

Anonymous says:

My husband’s doc told him that a couple miles of good paced walking a day is good enough. No gym membership needed.

-DJ- says:

Dude, “spinning” is just riding one of those bikes that don’t go nowhere. Only, you do it in a group class. So there’s a bunch of you going nowhere together. I’d rather get on my bike and go somewhere for reals. Usually I ride down to get some ice cream!

I have no idea what Pilates is either.

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