October 28 2011

Seriously, Get New Surveillance Cameras!

So this morning I was watching morning news and the cops were looking for Robber X and Assaulter Y and Sneaky Thief Z and whether the crimes were in a store or at a gas station or on the street. Each one of the surveillance videos were crazily grainy.

They’d like zoom in on the shot and be like, ‘If you know anything about the whereabouts of this man…’

Really? Oh that guy? My friggin ancient Razor flip phone had a better camera than that ten years ago! In fact, I think there should be a law where if you own a store that gets robbed and your surveillance video sucks– the cops get to drop the case on the spot out of spite. And knock stuff off the shelves on the way out! And urinate all over the register! And make a cop doody out front in front of everyone!

Maybe it used to be the problem of filling up a VHS tape. Or hard drive storage when you had 250MB hard drive. But I have a $10 webcam that’s five years old that still works great. It’s time for an upgrade! Some guy has been sexually assaulting women in Brooklyn for like a year! Call the cops if you see this guy!? WTF!

WTF?! Why! Why so terrible!? It’s 2010! Or 11! Something like that! I dunno! They just ran a bunch of these stories on the morning news and all the video quality sucked! So I’m yelling about it here! And I’ll probably delete this post later today!

ok bye!


Monty says:


Mirror Universe tOdd says:

Todd, don’t delete this post. You have every right to be upset. Major crimes are being conmitted at core places of business and they are still using video technology from the 90s? I agree with you there should be law to prevent this crap from happening again.

Krankor says:

The guy running across the street kinda looks like Todd.

Bob in Peru says:

Bar the door if they try to enter wearing a hood, a hat, or shades !

Let’s bring back the electric bleachers.

the REAL weeze says:


Arwen says:

I think this post makes sense. Really. Why hasn’t there been an upgrade in technology here?

Yellowdog says:

Quality, multi-camera surveillance systems cost thousands of dollars. Maybe you, the struggling small business owner, can only swing a couple hundred for a fuzzy set of cameras that’s more of a “Smile, you’re on camera!” visual deterrent. So you manage to shake loose that couple hundred (wife’s gonna have to get creative with rice and beans again this week, I guess) and buy the system on the off-chance someone’s going to knock off the place, or commit a random felony. Months, maybe years, go by, nothing happens. You forget you even have the system. A spider builds a web across a camera lens, catches a few flies, dies or moves on, and the cobweb remains. Then, one day, someone finally commits that felony. After the deed’s gone down and you’re talking to the cops, you suddenly remember: You “got the whole thing on tape!” So you run into the back room, blow the dust off the surveillance monitor, cue up the footage, and… a blurry, fuzzy, cobweb-covered scene greets your eye. If you squint hard enough, you can maybe tell that’s a human brandishing a knife, but it could also be a malnourished circus bear. Useless. What a waste of money. To top it all off, the DVR’s hard drive is making a clicking sounds, which means it’s about ready to die, and will need to be replaced. So you dutifully start saving a few dollars here and there. Finally, after a couple months, you’ve saved up enough to buy: A pump shotgun loaded with rock salt that you keep under the counter. Which you should’ve bought from the start, am I right?

Nick says:

I didn’t read all your post Yellowdog because it is too long only one paragraph but I did catch the question at the end and I’m going to guess the answer to that one is no.

Mirror Universe tOdd says:

I’ll sum up Yellowdog’s post: Don’t buy cheap surveillance systems!

me says:

i agree with yellowdog’s post. Also a lot of the footage you see on the news is zoomed in on a particular area of the full frame.

Sunny says:

IJWTS wow! Why can’t I think of tnhigs like that?



My Butt Here. says:

A magnetron from a microwave oven with a ceramic backing and an external battery will fuck up any system new or old. Thieves need to get smarter. tsk tsk tsk.

Mirror Universe tOdd says:

Are you saying that you are a thief “My Butt Here”?

legion357 says:

Outdated cameras are everywhere, last year in my town of 70k people, a person robbed a bank.

The bank was ONE block from the sheriffs Dept. and jail,(90 employees), and TWO blocks from City Police Dept.,(110 employees).

The robbery occurred at 12;45pm, all the bank video had to offer was that the robber was black with a white patch on his hand… they never caught him.

My Butt Here. says:

Not a thief. But just annoyed that peeps don’t take creativity to thwart things any more.

Anonymous says:

Anybody remember the scene in “Taxi Driver” where Diniro was in the back of a convenience store when some scumbag tries to rob it? And he just fucking blasts the perp? And then the store owner tells Diniro to take off, because of his unregistered gun, and then beats the shit out of the perp with a crowbar or baseball bat, turning him into fucking hamburger?

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about. Didn’t need some stinking ratty-ass video.

Nick says:

You realize that if (a) someone saw the movie, they wouldn’t need a play by play recap and (b) if someone did not see the movie the play-by-play doesn’t help.

Anonymous says:

You talkin to me? Ain’t nobody else here, Nick. You do realize, Nick, that I just like talking about it. Reliving it, you might say.

Take care.

C.J. says:

Fantastic, I totally agree

Z says:

Dude, crime is illegal for a reason. Not having a good enough video surveillance is not a good reason to drop a case.

34DD Bust Woman says:

Agreed. And beating the crap out of someone just because they are robbing you is inhuman. And need I remind you that ‘Taxi Driver’ was a movie. This is reality.

Edgar Allen Poop says:

LOL “a cop doody”

GQQSER says:

What if that is the way the guy really looks? Maybe there is nothing wrong with the camera. NAh, video sucks

flowy dress waitress says:

right on.

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