January 20 2011

The Skybox Calendar God

So last night I went to the NY Rangers game. Once in a while, a friend of mine gets these ‘skybox’ tickets at the Garden once and last night we watched the Rangers embarrass the Maple Leafs 7-0. (The Maple Leafs should also be embarrassed because shouldn’t they be the Maple Leaves? Maple Leif Garretts?)

Anyway, the skybox tickets are very cool — at first. You swoop right in the special entrance. Take an elevator instead of the sadly slow escalators. You get to the room (suite! sweet!). Free beer and food! And you look down over the ice like a hockey god!

But soon you realize that the fries are soggy. You’re stuck in a room with a bunch of dudes you’ve never met before– and feel like you need to talk to to some degree. And the only beers are Amstel and Corona Extra. Take it or leave it. Plus, the godlike view doesn’t let you see one of the nets without sort of peering over the edge a little.

And by the end of the first period, you look down in the arena and just sort of wish you were sitting down there with a beer of your choice and the food you like– without having to be all social and stuff. (Not that I don’t appreciate the ticket of course. Still is way coolio.)

Anyway, on the way in they were giving our free Rangers 2011 Calendars…

I was like, ‘Yay! Free calendar! Gimme!’ I take it and flip it over and I gotta admit I was a little disappointed. The month to month photos weren’t sports action of like goals scored or hard checks. It was more like Fireman Firehouse style. Each month pictured another Ranger posing stick in hand.

And after the game I wasn’t even sure if I wanted it. To hang up pictures of athletic dudes month to month seemed a little gay. Plus, I already have my Wheaten Terrier 2011 dog calendar so I don’t even know where I’d hang it– but I took it with me, anyway.

While waiting for the subway I realized I didn’t want the calendar. It was brand new so I didn’t want to throw it out– so I decided to give the calendar away to the world and watch who claims it (if anyone). I put it down on a bench and within moments around the corner comes this fast walking guy in an old Rangers jacket. Like an old superhero. He stops short next to the bench and smiles a huge smile. Birthday style.

He looks left and right and then stuffs the calendar into his bag. The moment he had it in his bag he looked upward for a second. Giving the sky an appreciative nod. Maybe giving thanks to God for his good fortune that night…

Ah yes. That would be me. You’re welcome, my good man. You’re welcome.

ok bye!


Anonymous says:

Go Leafs Go

Anonymous says:

The calendar alone wouldn’t have been gay but that and owning a soft coated wheaton terrier and having the calendar hanging up would have been super gay.

Anonymous says:

Where is Deng, really where is he??????????????????????

Anonymous says:

“You’re welcome, my good man. You’re welcome.” – queue beam of holy light.

CP says:

Todd, I cannot say I beleive its appropriate to describe anything as GAY. It is a HOCKEY CALANDER! Are you so insicure about your manhood that you cannot accept something for what it is without being racist against gay americans?

Me Myself and I says:

A. Homosexuality is not a race so you can not be racist against them.

B. Gay origianlly meant “Happy” or “Good” so stating that something is “Gay” doesnt neccessarily have mean intent.

C. It’s “Insecure” not “Insicure”

D. This need for people to push others to be politically correct is getting out of hand. The 1st amendment gives us the right to free speech. So really, Todd has every right to state his opinions without people like you crucifying him for it.

Anonymous says:

Gay isn’t a race.

MsM says:

WOW! Who would have thought, that in New York, there would be a RANGERS fan??? One who ALSO wanted a calender? What an amazing story.

PC says:

CP, you may want to look up “racist.”

Might be more rewarding spending your time scouring television for curse words and maniacally emailing station managers. And the President.

I predict tOdd ends up apologizing for seeming ungrateful (again), even though he’s not. 🙂

Goats says:

Todd you were right–that calendar would be SUPER gay if you hung it all on your wall and stuff. Stick to the dog calendar. Good for you for leaving it on a bench and making that old guy’s night. Plus, RANGERS SUCK! LETS GO DEVILS! (who suck way worse, i know…)….

AMy says:

Are you for real?

the REAL weeze says:


Jean_Phx says:

Oh please, did you see that calendar? It is gay.

AphexTriplet says:

Its not like their shirts are off it isnt really gay

Anon says:

“Each month pictured another Ranger posing with his stick.”


Mike Anthony says:

Good call Todd….made someone else happy and the best part is you actually got to see it!

what goes around comes around….

hope you get some good karma back soonio.


anon LI says:

islanders piss all over the rangers

Anonymous says:

Cool story, bro.

The Weeze says:

Todd is Godd. Thanx 4 the Gay Calendar.

Anonymous says:

that’s pretty awesome. I agree about the fancy tickets. it seems like a cool idea, until you’re there…

cb1 says:

i have a Rangers calendar as my wall paper which has all the games listed. of course this month isn’t an action shot, it’s the “fireman” style photo. i admit i feel self conscious when i have my laptop open at school or something. like “check out that dude with the sexy hockey player on his computer, what a homo”

bark says:

@ CP your statement was gay! Additionally, being quote, unquote politically correct is gay. It was hell of a faggy calendar. I don’t blame Todd for betting rid of it. I don’t hate gays. If some dude wants balls on his face, great. Suck that cock. I just don’t think those jizzlobbers should be given special treatment. Its like they are an endangered species. What I do hate are polictically correct cock suckers such as yourself.

bark says:

Oh yeah and CP, learn how to spell you judgemental fuck.

Draw On The Thing says:

“If some dude wants balls on his face, great. Suck that cock. I just don’t think those jizzlobbers should be given special treatment. Its like they are an endangered species. What I do hate are polictically correct cock suckers such as yourself.”

Are you the gay drawing all the weiners and balls ond geysers on me? Because anybody who talks about balls and jizz and cocksuckers as much as you sounds pretty gay. If the loafer fits….

JV says:

Awwwwww. That’s adorable. You probably made his day.

I too agree about the skybox. Seems cool, until you’re there. Perhaps if it was YOUR skybox where you only had your friends and the beers you liked, then it would be kick ass.

tainted says:

yea plus theres something nice about being in with the crowd.. being in this seperate box with glass in front of you kinda seems like you arent really fully there

Wow says:

Is that bark from the DFB? Damn. You’re one of the anonymous trolls aren’t you?

SOS says:

SInce when is gay a race?????????????????????

bark says:

@wow. No idea as to DFB is. Trolling? Nope. Adios bolo.

Jillinois says:

I’d say the calendar was…disappointing too. I’d rather see the action shots instead of the individual players. And by the the end of the year, when half the players have gone elsewhere (or is that just here in Cleveland) you still have a cool hockey calendar.

Medusa says:

Stick in hand? really, snicker.

Anonymous says:

F the rangers…devils ftw

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

I just took a dump for a solid straight hour and 30
minutes. Flushed the toilet 12 times and used
almost 2 rolls of toilet paper!! I’m thinkin’
about going to the hospital

mel says:

hey if your todd then you must know gibson right? he said you need help… there is a whole foundation trying to find you and help you!

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