April 23 2010

Stopping To Be Honest and Right

So I’ve been trying to weed out two of my bad habits when I talk to people.

Saying ‘To be honest’ and ‘Right right…’

Let’s start with ‘to be honest’. I’m starting to suspect this is something that liars or former liars use more than truthy people. When I was a little kid I used to lie alot. I used to just lie for the hell of it. Not sure what that was about. I remember once I was wearing a striped cotton Izod sweater with the alligator and some teacher said ‘Nice sweater…’ And I said, ‘Yeah. My mom knitted it.’ Super lie! The teacher looked all confused at the thin striped sweater and alligator. So I covered my like with, ‘Oh… She got an alligator and sewed alligator on.’ Even in 4th grade, I remember thinking, ‘Dude! What the hell?! This lie is terrible!’ And the liar in me winked and was like, ‘Shhh…. he knows what he’s doing!’

I don’t lie nearly ever now (lie?) Not so much because I love being honest– but just because over time I realized that I suck at lying. My memory is kind of shot so if I decide to go with a ‘lie’– I better make sure I make a mental note in permanent magic marker. So if I get called out on my lie I’ll look like I know exactly what I’m talking about. Fortunately, I’m inside alot so the need to lie is pretty non-existent now.

Which brings me to ‘to be honest’. I caught myself saying ‘to be honest‘ the other day and I got flagged on it. I said, ‘To be honest….’ And the person immediately said the typical ‘No! don’t be honest. Lie to me…’ (ha ha) jerky response for my mental glitch. Not sure if ‘to be honest’ is lie prevention or just a delay tactic to gather a thought. But in any case, it really should go without saying.

The other thing I say too much of is ‘right’. Like if someone’s telling a story that I’ve heard for the first time– I’ll show I’m paying attention by saying, ‘Right right…’ But ‘right right’ is sort of an implication that not only I know what they’re talking about but I’m confirming it as some kind of expert. Right? They could be like, ‘So I was driving down the highway and I saw this tank. One of those like sherman tanks… ‘ And I’ll be like, ‘Right right…’ Confirming the story. Confirming the model of tank. I’m constantly right righting my way through conversations. Maybe it’s a speed up tactic but in any case– right seems wrong.

I think that’s a lesser offense in language but still a weird thing that I’m trying to flag down. Because if there’s two things I know– I know I can’t lie and to be honest, I rarely know what anyone is talking about. Right?

ok bye!


the weeze says:


bung says:

where has that cock sucker Mr. Deng been ?

wooze says:

I know this asshole that can’t help saying “FIRRRSSSTTT BIITTTCCCHHHEEESSS!!!!!!!!” all the time. This leads to awkward moments during family gatherings such as funerals, walking through tough neighborhoods and sitting in his third-grade classroom.

As you can imagine, he gets the shit beaten out of him regularly, but can’t or won’t stop. It’s like he likes it or something.

DOUCHE says:

Look at me i’m a douche.

Mr Bill says:

Yes. Yes you are.

T$ says:

I used to say “I kind of like it!” at EVERYTHING… that was my catch phrase, and someone totally called me out on it, and I detested myself for it. Sooo I stopped that mess right away.

I say “I hear that” a lot too. Drives myself nuts.

Goats says:

I still tell stupid ass lies sometimes—and have that permanent marker etched in my brain. And I too use the phrase “right right”–since most people who tell stories are way to verbose. Especially my feeble doorman.

Long Time Reader says:

Is it really necessary to allow people like Weeze to post and contribute absolutely nothing positive to this site?

Erase his comments already………..better yet Erase him……..

Anonymous says:

At least we aren’t exposed to that dumbass gunfever anymore. Weeze is just a moron.

Jean_Phx says:

Actually, my word hassle seems to be actually!! Drives me nuts. Sweet Lord make it stop 😉

Jean Gray says:

I’ve never been in that situtation Todd.

Rina says:

I find the people I listen to on the radio every morning say “absolutely” waaay too often. I used to say “like” a lot when I’m talking. Its calmed down some but I still throw it in there.

stef says:

I say “interesting” at the end of someone’s story or revelation… I don’t mean to sound flippant but I’m pretty sure it always comes off that way

SSUPU - Secret Society of Unemployed People Union says:

Todd, don’t worry so much.

And one last thing . . . *poke* *poke*

Don’t forget about Tip # 9.

Medusa says:

No way, fer sure, o my god. Some phrases get stuck in your head like a fad, they either drop off when they fall out of style or you get stuck in the loop of ALWAYS saying that one stupid comment you know you should not say. Once you work at not saying it, like.. stopping when it starts to come out will cure you as it gets easier to use other words. When I hear my self say a word I am trying to toss out of my vocabulary I will stop what I’m saying and fix it if the word slipped out, and change it to something else that sounds more educated and meaningful. It helps me to stop using it for good.
I actually say out loud, “sorry I meant…” and continue. It helped me break many bad cycles of getting stuck for words.
O’ and lets take up a donation to help weeze get a life so he will leave poor tOdd alone!

Preacher says:

I like my phrases: coolness and no worries and I’ve thought about using hokey smoke but I never do. God is Love. I love
God. Good bye (which means God be with you)

GOD says:

Take it easy with the god talk preacher…..

Katie says:

I say “oh, cool” a lot. Way too much.

WTF?!?!?!?!? says:

I say “WTF?!?!?!” a lot. That’s just a commentary on today’s world more than anything else I think.

Morgan says:

I’ve become really conscious of what I say and will actually pause for a moment when I’m about to say something that I say way too often.

Mr Bill says:

I was typing up something hateful and I deleted it… I realize that Todd is just Todd.

Todd, if you are a tenth as kooky in real life as what you portray here… sheesh. Maybe everyone in NYC is just nuts…

Mr Bill says:

Oh and since we’re all sharing at AA today…

My friends and I used to love this comedy show from the 90’s on MTV called “The State” (yes, I had to look it up, I totally forgot what it was called). Some of these clowns are on Reno 911 now. One of the skits was a guy who hated repeating himself when people weren’t listening. So he would say something to someone, and they would be like half listening and say “uh, what did you say?” To this he would reply at the top of his lungs “I SAID, SHUT THE HELL UP!”. Men, women, cops, judges, babies, didn’t matter. I still do this today in everyday conversations. People don’t seem to catch the reference and think I am a rude bastard. But they don’t come around twice asking stupid questions, so maybe it’s not all bad.

PS – if anyone from The State that is actually still employed (except Michael Ian Black… go F*CK yourself, Michael Ian Black!) is reading this and I have the shows mixed up, I apologize.

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lisa says:

Saying “right, right” is an East coast version of “uh-huh…” or “yeah…” and I find it infinitely more charming. Just saying.

lisa says:

“right right” is infinitely more charming, I mean. Ahem.

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