June 28 2010

Suspicious Package Delivery

So the other day, I was minding my own business doing my dishes when the buzzer rang. I pushed the intercom and a familiar voice said, ‘UPS. Got a package for you.’ When my UPS guy has something for me to sign he’ll say, ‘Gotta sign for this one…’ But when I don’t need to sign for it– he usually just leaves it on the stoop after hearing that I’m home. This time it took me a minute or two to get downstairs because I had like two more dishes to finish and had to dry my hands or whatever.

I get downstairs and open the door expecting to see the package at my feet. Instead I see some like teenagery looking kid. Regular baseball hat. No UPS uniform. He was kind of turned sideways on my porch and he was holding my small UPS box. We had a weird moment where I was sort of like, ‘Who… What are you doing here?’ And he had a weird moment where he just didn’t move.

Then he handed the package to me and said, ‘Here’s your package, sir…’ (Sir?) I took it from him and he immediately hustled off my stoop. I shut the door and headed upstairs thinking like, ‘What’s up with UPS today? Why is the delivery guy all dress-down Friday or whatever…’

Then I realized what was more likely… It wasn’t the UPS guy. It was a thief! Mid-crime! I’ve had a few boxes stolen off my front steps over the years so it just made sense.

Here’s how it works (in theory):

Teenager crook on bicycle tails the UPS truck. UPS guy makes his deliveries stoop to stoop. Teenager crook waits to see who opens the door right away or who lets stuff sit on their stoop. He assumes if the person doesn’t come downstairs right away they’re not gonna. If it’s a smaller package he heads up the stoop and snatches the goods. Back on the bicycle and gone in a flash.

Except this time he was totally busted mid-snatch! I opened the door mid-crime! My spidey sense sucks I guess because I was too dumb to realize I was likely catching a crook! I could have been the hero!

Then again if it just happened to be a real-life UPS guy in dress down and if I tackled him on the porch yelling, “Police police! This no-good hoodlum is trying to steal my 8-port USB hub! Help police!’ that probably wouldn’t have gone so well either. So I guess it was win-win… umm… except for the neighbor getting a package who wasn’t home that day…

ok bye!


Whheezer says:

Maybe it was a vuvuzela!
For weezes mama.

Donny says:

I would have caught on right away and notified the police while detaining him in some legal fashion. Citizens arrest? does that really work? with minors too? i don’t know. would be hard to do without being a kidnapper? i don’t know again.

anyway, i’ve had things stolen too off my porch. makes me so infuriated and you feel violated. i hope you are able to do something next time. maybe set up another web cam?

good post tOdd

oddtodd7 says:

Speaking of vuvuzelas I am sort of stunned I have not seen one place to buy them in NYC… Some importers totally dropped the ball on blanketing the city with those things bc I would have bought one in a second… (which btw I’ve grown to like even though I bashed them at first…)

WTF?!?!?!? says:

Maybe it was the Post Office getting you back for that rant a few days ago…

the REAL weeze, etc. etc. says:


Goats says:

Damn that’s sneaky. UPS and FedEx both suck—there is no way they shoudl be leaving anything on someone’s “stoop” or “front porch” in NYC. Everything shoudl be hand delivered.

Whheezer says:

blah blah blah….is that the sound of your mothers vuvzela weezy?

the REAL weeze says:


Whheezer says:

Weezy, do you always post at 11:15 or are just happy to see me? 😉 Luv your vuvuzela action. Keep it up.

optional says:

If my porch/stoop was visible from the street I’d include instructions not to leave it there. That’s just asking for theft.

Mr. Vuvuzela says:

Blow me. For however long those stupid soccer matches last, or your eardrums burst, whichever comes first.

Crumbles says:

I once opened up a suspicious package from the Unibomber and BLAM

big brown says:

thats a scam.

UPS should not leave anything on your doorstep btw, that is asking for it. i would have called the police.

Nik Ashmost says:

Scam??? On who’s part is it a scam? Are you suggesting that UPS or USPS guys are in cohoots with random thieves setting up packages to be stolen? If we have a regular relationship with a customer we can leave whatever the hell package we want so long as it doesn’t require a signature. It’s kind of a “we’ll leave it if you don’t mind” policy. SUre, if you want to get technical, packages aren’t supposed to be left without prior authorization. We know our customers though.

Todd, you should call UPS, not the police direct, because they would probably love to get a good description of the person they’ve probably been getting a lot of stolen package reports because of.

MsM says:

I’m pretty sure all the UPS guys wear a uniform. Some of them are pretty hot, even if the uniform is brown.

Commune says:

WTF is a 8 port UPS hub… meh…

Odd Todd says:

Gah! I meant USB!!!! will fix in am 🙁 totally stepped on my own jokey joke

forensic evidence says:

mayhap there is a record of aforementioned would-be burglar in the RoscoeCam archives?

Mr. Tronic says:

I remember placing an order for a CPU over the Internet. At the time when it was delivered, I didn’t answer the door. For years Jehovah Witnesses has been annoying my family. Geez! Those people piss me off!!! I thought it was them, so I didn’t answer the door. Turns out it was the mail carrier, and he left a reminder card on where to pick up my package. I received it from my local Canada Post outlet the following day. Done and done.

The Shadow says:

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of this dressed-down teenage UPS impersonator?

The Shadow do.

The Shadow says shoot first. ask questions later.

big brown says:

nik..doesn’t UPS need to wear uniforms?

Also, I know UPS policy, and I don’t think it is SOP to leave anything regardless.

Squeezy McButts says:

Too many scumbags in the city

Renee' says:

That is something that I have never considered before. Thank you for sharing this story. I will be sharing it with all of my friends.

It is good that you got your package. I wonder how many things that kid steals in a day? I also wonder if he steals something that he wishes he had not?

I have these visions of the kids stealing someone vital meds or such.


Scowly says:

Way to pimp your website Renee’. Klassy.

Anonymous says:

WOW… ups is nice in NY… if something is stolen from your address after it’s left without sig… then everything from then on at that address has to be signed for no matter what here in FL

Z says:

Hi tOdd,

I like the way you think intuitively.

When I was 16 I was with my girlfriend in Boston in a McDonald’s or something. For whatever reason, we forget her book bag. When I went back to look for it, it wasn’t there. I went into the Men’s Room and there was a young boy rifling through her bag and pocketing everything. When he saw me (a scared teenager) he realized he’d been caught and started putting the stuff back in the bag from his pockets.

It is never worth it to steal, if you can avoid it. Heavenly Father provides more than enough for us if we just ask.

Love, Jim

Stoner McDope says:

Did you get my package, man? The one with the weed, man?

Anonymous says:

You should tell your regular UPS guy about the kid…cause that kid probably follows him all day, and your UPS guy probably gets in trouble for all the stolen packages being missing. Kids are Punks!

seriously: says:

Have very close friends who work for ups. They wear uniforms, but are forced to leave parcels now even after their customer complains. They have to work longer hours, less pay. Service is not what it used to be. Bad management, corporate greed, etc. Carriers take the heat, big time. I don’t know of any ups carriers who don’t wear the brown? You should report that kid, sounds like a thief to me. Save someone esle’s parcel being stolen maybe. Dang, Todd, your life is never dull! lol

Mack29Marlene says:

Houses are expensive and not everyone can buy it. But, home loans was created to aid people in such kind of situations.

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