December 22 2010

Tech Mindblowing Blown

So the other day I was walking around with Roscoe minding my own business, when this rumpled old-ish man holding a piece of paper walked up to me. He looked rushed and spoke broken english. He pointed to a piece of paper asking if I could give him directions to an address. Somewhere on Fulton Street. I sort of knew where he wanted to go but I wasn’t sure of the exact directions. So I decide to go the extra mile and whip out my iPhone and map it out for him right in his face. He was hugely appreciative.

I’m always sort of excited when the iPhone actually comes in handy and practical in real life. It is kind of rare still. I show the old man what I plan to do– and I can see he is sort of intrigued and excited just to be looking at my iphone. I gave him a nod like– ‘You ain’t seen nuttin yet, Gramps…’ I was prepped up to blow this guy’s mind. Devirginize him to the GPS live map situation with the zoom in and out directions exactomundo style badda bing badda boom. Maybe I’d even Hopstop it if the place turned out to be a subway ride away. The old guy peers down into my iPhone half-amazed and smiley.

Maps starts loading up. I nod away. Maybe he hasn’t seen GPS this way? I’m thinking, ‘Give it a sec old man. I’m hooking you up huge right now. And you’re gonna have a story to tell your whole family at Christmas! All about the nice man on the street with the tiny magic directions device!’ Maps keeps loading.

And loooaddding… Checkered grey screen style. Things are going way slow. I joke about it being cloudy outside and point to the heavens as an excuse. The old man looks up at the sky and shrugs. I can see he’s getting impatient.

Fruck! Maps keeps loading! It’s frozen or something! Stupid AT&T! The old man’s eyes start wandering at other passersby… He’s thinking about bailing! Hurry iPhone!

I keep ahold of his attention but I’m now panicking. I figure I have a minute at best. I realize my mindblown plan is gone! At best I’ll get a mindbreeze! Maps just isn’t loading up! This wasn’t the plan! WTF! I call an audible and click off maps and go straight into google and type in the address. I figure if I can’t do it live then I’ll just downgrade to the google maps search results and go from there. The old guy looks down into my phone again– but less interested now. Google is choking too! Everything is stalled out! I start laughing and mumbling pathetic excuses…

Then the old man steps aside and flags down some woman and shows her the piece of paper. He was bailing on me! Right in my face! Nooo! Gooogggllleessss….

The woman he stopped immediately knew the address and gave him crystal clear directions. The old guy thanked me and apologized. I apologized back. I stared down at my choked crap loser phone all pissed at it for robbing me of my tech glory. It finally exhaled and brought up the map. Turns out the address was like only three blocks away. I felt extra stupid.

And I wondered what the old man thought of the ‘young kid’ who doesn’t even know how to give directions to a place three blocks away without getting frustrated at his broken fancy telephone first.

ok bye!


Donny says:

time for tmobile with the mytouch 4g android phone! you’ll LOVE that phone! the service is fast and about to get faster! it’s 14mbs right now and they’ll upgrade to 21 soon.

no i don’t work for them, just great service and the new mytouch is so friggin blazing fast!

Concerned Pervert says:

Some chick asked me for directions. An iPhone is NOT what I whipped out, but it was what she was looking for. Win-win all the way around.

Lorelei says:

Oh, boo. You tried, at least.

bark says:

Ditch the iphone and get a droid

Angry Man says:

Yeah, get a ‘droid. HTC Desire perhaps. Maybe a Samsung. All apple products are chock full of suckness. Look good, great advertising, but simply don’t work very well. Technology is usually a generation or two behind their competitors. That’s the price you pay for being first on the market.

And full marks to Telstra Next G network down here. Expensive, but I can get perfect signal just about everywhere except right out in the bush. Sounds like the exact opposite of AT&T. Those guys suck from what I read.

Odd David says:

Todd, you may be inept at giving directions but at least you tell a great story. Very funny!

Nick the Prick says:

First, you ain’t young. Second, you should have gotten a Windows Phone 7.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

What a prick

me says:

I had the EXACT same thing happen a few years ago when I got a new car that came with GPS. I know exactly how you feel.

Famous WTF?!?!?!!? says:

…as in Famous Ray’s Pizza, baby. First and still the best.

You should have done like most New Yorkers before they started fumbling with these stupid phones- just give directions even if you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. By the time he realizes he’s lost, he’ll blame himself for missing something you told him, or who knows, there’s a chance he’ll find it and ypou’re the hero.

Either way you get good karma points for trying.

Famous WTF?!?!?!!? says:

That’s just rude.

hebba says:

Todd, I love ya babe, but I don’t think anyone refers to you as a “Young kid”

Medusa says:

tru, opps sorry grinch is on mu shoulder tonight:(

Carter says:

Anybody know where I can find a pay phone?

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

Try a museum

Jimmy the Juicer says:

Just another reason that phones should be for phone calls only.
If ya wanna surf the net then carry a laptop or notebook.

Donny says:

or don’t use at&t

Ash-lay says:

Now I feel better about not getting an iphone. Thanks.

Adam says:

I just got an iPhone 4 and love it, so I am really getting a kick out of some of these replies.

abqgirl says:

Be nice- show the guy where to go!

abqgirl says:

And furthermore, if he was old-ish, give him a break! Go the extra mile and ask someone else for him if you don’t know where
it is! (Just sayin’)

My Butt Here says:

Todd, the I-phone unlike the other clones is a handheld computer first with a phone app. This also requires the maintenance of a computer too. Make sure to reboot it at least once a week, power off completely let it sit for 10 seconds then power on. Also once a month go to settings and clear out your cookies, history and cache for safari. Do this and it will keep your computer running well.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

sorry iTard but if all the other smartphones were just clones, they would all have to suck the big iDong like the iPhone. If you have to go through all that BS just to give someone directions you are better off flushing it down an iToilet and getting something that works, like a droid.

mepball says:

i dont have to do that with my computer.. hmmmm

Medusa says:

I phone? post 2010 wise up get with the times, modernize droid all the way. And whats with the dandruff on the site?

Time Lord says:

It’s called ‘snow’ silly girl.

Also Todd, you should have been honest with the man and told him that you didn’t know where the address was.

Anonymous says:

It’s a phone you tards..that’s all, the droid is no better or no worse..when version starts carrying them you ass hats will start praising, that’s all they are..nothing more. It’s karma , you tried..

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

You wrote that babbling bunch of crap and then call everyone else a tard? FAIL!

Famous WTF?!?!?!?!? says:

You’re writing a babbling bunch of crap at 1:51AM instead of getting laid? LOSER!

Infamous WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

You are babbling about someone babbling about someone’s babble instead of doing anything else? MORON!

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

Maybe the only way you can get laid is by taking advantage of near comatose chicks at last call but I have no problem getting hot chicks all day every day. Don’t hate the player.

mepball says:

your I phone is a joke… all I phones are. I phones were invented for idiots so shallow they will do anything to keep up with the masses. Even though you know its actually a useless invention. I mean the only thing an I phone is good for is showing people stuff on your I Phone. In fact most of the time you are showing it to another douche that has one too… its a fucking phone get over it. Use it to make calls its not meant to replace all social interaction in every situation. Its as big as the side of a barn why the fuck do you want to carry it? If i had to carry that huge POS everywhere i went i would be miserable. Oh and dont get me started on dropping one or all the gear you need to protect it from damage.. you guys are fool to spend so much money on a trend that makes you look like a douche bag. And believe me you all look like huge douche bags …..

Adam says:

LOL, looks like this topic really brought out the best in everyone!

See, tOdd, this is what kind of people use the Droid. (I keed.) Stick with your iPhone unless it really gets to be having problems constantly.

WTF?!??!?!?!?!?! says:

There are literally hundreds of iTards like you trying to post here and keep Todd in the cult…but they can’t get a good signal.

S says:

Just spent a week in NYC; thank goodness for my old G1, it never let me down. Down with the tardphone.

compassstl says:

It’s not the network, it’s the phone. I was in NYC not long ago, and needed to find a spot off Broadway; pulled out my Sony Ericson Vivaz (AT&T smartphone, runs Symbian, one of the best smartphones for the $), and within a minute I knew where I was, where I needed to be, and how to get there. Bam. Done. Any of the other AT&T phones are better than the iphone, especially in population-dense areas, i.e. NYC or LA, and I say this from personal experience.
(rant follows)
Ditch the iPhony and get something that was made by a company that’s been doing it a while (Nokia, HTC, Motorola, Sony Ericson, even LG & Samsung), that don’t have scores of patent lawsuits against them, which don’t manufacture their devices in China, and are sold at one of the highest profit margins in the industry. iPhones are one of the poorest phones in terms of reception & bang-for-buck out right now, even worse when you remember you can only insure it through a specif app or renters’/homeowners’ insurance, have to go through iTunes for pretty much everything, and you can download operating systems which make it worse off than one of the many viruses made for it. (rant done)
Great story, well told, and I definitely know what you mean about trying to use technology to get ahead when just a little knowledge would have sufficed much better.

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