November 01 2012

The $25 Class Action Check Disaster

So anyway, yesterday I was hanging out and minding my own business and I decided to try and like get organized.

Clean up my desk. Take care of lingering stuff. Like insurance papers for when I crashed a rental car over the summer. Sending in doctor bills to the health insurance land. Wedding stuff. Bank stuff. All that. And one of the things was depositing a few random small checks I’ve had hanging out for like a month or so.

A $12 check from my pet insurance place. $21 from cafepress. Along with a random $25 check because of some class action lawsuit settlement (who knows what) with Time Warner Cable.

Anyway, I scan in the first couple checks — then I just throw them in the garbage after they go through.

As I’m scanning in checks, I’m multitasking. Getting laundry together. Getting all the garbage together. Office garbage, bathroom garbage, kitchen garbage — combined all in one big bag. I’m also on the phone like a teenage girl.

I start to get the dogs together for a walk and I see on my computer and see that the last check didn’t scan right. The $25 check had to be rescanned. I open up the scanner and the check is gone! Gah! My multitask idiocy distractionness had me throwing out the check before I’d ever confirmed it went through!

There was only one place it could be. The garbage. I look at this big black plastic bag of kitchen garbage, bathroom trash, coffee grounds, old fridge food and tons of random papers (as well as a vacuum canister worth of dust). I’m like, ‘Noooo!!!!’ I threw away $25!! In that! I had an inner debate about whether it was worth retrieving or not. There would be a good chance it would be soggy. Or ruined. Sifting through a mega bag of garbage for $25? Was it worth it?

I decided it was. I got out another trash bag and started transferring the garbage piece by piece to this other bag. Gross. Ew. Gross. Digging through. Ew! I found the ‘other’ checks but not the $25 check. For like 15 minutes I’m going through this bag– and I can’t find the stupid check! It had to be there. I double check. Triple check. All gross garbage. No check.

(Dogs are looking at me like, ‘Can we try? We like doing stuff like that!!.’)

Now I’m pissed. I retrace my steps through the apartment trying to track it down anywhere. No check!! Furious. Confused! But I refuse to give up. I decide I can’t let it go. I’m gonna call up Time Warner Cable and tell them to send me another stupid $25 check.

I call up and go on hold for a solid 10 minutes — then get this woman on the phone.

Here’s how that conversation went:

TWC: Time Warner Cable. How can I help you?

Me: Hi! I won $25 in a class action lawsuit but I lost the check– can you send me another check?

TWC: Say again?

Me: You guys recently sent me a check for $25 because I was a part of some law suit. Can you see if you have a record of it?

TWC: You won a lawsuit?

Me: I don’t know what it was about. All I know is I won $25.

TWC: You sued us for $25?

Me: Not me. I didn’t really have anything to do with it.

TWC: You sued us but you had nothing to do with it?

Me: It was a class action thing or something…

TWC: So how’d you win??

Me: I don’t know! All I know is that you guys owe me $25 right now!!! I threw the last check in the garbage and I need a new one!

TWC: You threw it in the garbage?

Me: By accident! I thought it scanned!

(Long pause)

TWC: ….do you want me to transfer you to the legal department?

(My brain now is putting up road flares in my mind. Telling me to let it go. It’s $25. You know you’re entering an impossible world of TWC)

Me: Transfer me.

Needless to say, the legal department transfer didn’t go well. I couldn’t even get in the door essentially before being disconnected. I decided I had gone overtime on my $25 effort. I headed outside to walk dogs. Grumpy and defeated. One of the dogs goes to make poop and I search for a doggie bag and in my back pocket…. was the check.

The end!

ok bye!


Me says:

Ya. Been there done that. Left my keys in the freezer once. Tore apart the apartment looking for them. Gave up. Got a ride to work, left apartment unlocked. Came home, went to get TV dinner out of the freezer and ..huh.

Beetlejuice says:

Todd, you have a hard enough time doing a single task with your full concentration. Under no circumstance should you be trying to multitask. Eventually someone is going to get hurt.

And don’t just throw checks or other personal documents in the garbage. Shred them.

Indian Hottie says:


Todd’s the Scatman!!!!!

You really need to take your time so things like this doesn’t happen.

the REAL weeze says:


jetstar says:

I thought you were going to tell us that it static clinged to the underside of your scanner………….LOL

Nicol says:

One day on my way to work I decided to kill some time by doing a little shopping. At some point during my excursion, I lost my keys. I searched high and low and figured I must have locked them in the car. I had to call out from work since I couldn’t get there in time. I worked in the pastry section of a restaurant and I would have gotten there too late to be done on time.

I had to call someone to come pick me up and bring my spare keys. While I was waiting for them to come, I continued to walk around in the store. At some point I looked down on the carpet/floor of the store and saw my keys. Apparently I dropped them and they landed on the carpet and didn’t make any noise when I dropped them. By then it was too late to go to work (evening shift)

I had to come in super early the next day to get the desserts done. I was in everybody’s way. The delivery truck was trying to unload right in the section where I do my desserts. The boss was MAD!!!!! Now I have a key chain that makes lost of noise no matter where I drop it.

I also found out a year later that I can use any key to open the car door. 91 Mazda MX-6 Non-turbo car. If you have one, put any key in the door and it should open.

YellowDog says:

The first time I was laid off, back in early 2002 (around about the same time I miraculously discovered TOdd), I received a check from the company in the mail for something like $3,000 for vacation payout and other miscellaneous wages. It was a paper check – not sure why they didn’t just deposit it directly like my regular paychecks.

By the time I received it the banks were closed, so I went about my evening and the next morning I realize: Where the hell is the check? I had no memory of doing anything with it at all. I tore the apartment apart looking for it, to no avail.

So I called the company HQ and they kindly stopped payment on the first check and said they would put a new one in the mail.

A day later I get a call from the apartment management office telling me that someone had turned in my original check. They had found it just laying on the ground in the parking lot.

What an incredible dumb ass.

me says:

that would’ve made a good quick cartoon like you used to do. Just sayin’

Beetlejuice says:

There is no such thing as “quick” cartoon. Just sayin’

Concerned Pervert says:

That $25 would buy a few porn videos. Just saying.

MsM says:

I am constantly losing things in the house. I have a drawer half full of scissors, because I can never find one when I need one. You would think, that when you are sitting at your desk and drop a small something, you would look down & see it, right? No. It takes moving everything on the floor within a 10 foot radius , and using a broom or a Swiffer to find whatever you drop. Many times when I can’t find something, I give up, but after a couple days, when I lose something else, the first thing shows up. Remember the book/movie “The Borrowers”? I swear sometimes that they live here.

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