October 19 2010

The Devil Wears a Pocket Protector

When I’m walking around on the street I’ll take practically whatever flyer anyone is handing out. Unless it’s for a mani/pedi thing or something. I dunno. I feel like if someone’s job is being on the street handing stuff out– the least I can do is take whatever they gotta get rid of — and throw it in the garbage for them.

Around Times Square the flyers are the best. Strip club things. Crazy deals (buy ONE suit get NINE free). $99 iPadz and iFones etc. But the best stuff is the religious stuff. It almost never fails to be interesting-ish– and often is like full-on entertainment.

Anyway, the other day a chinese woman (who was wearing a sandwich board letting me know the End of Days is fast approaching) handed me a flyer. When I took it– she blurted in an accent, ‘End of days thank you…‘.

I read this flyer on the subway just totally fascinated…. (Maybe I’m the crazy one?)

…but seeing this spirography brand of organized nuttiness makes me wonder where it all comes from. Like, is there one crazy guy sitting in a room somewhere with an old Xerox machine cranking these out? Then slapping sandwich boards on random people to spread the word? Or is this part of a bigger movement?

And if the leader of this particular movement is so taken with the threat of “technology”– why isn’t this flyer up to date? If he or she (but let’s face it… most likely ‘he‘) is SO obsessed with technology– this info really should be more cutting edge. C’mon dude! Like more Wifi or iPhone oriented, right? And shouldn’t the capacity of the ‘meg chip’ be beyond for 4MB? I mean in terms of technological obsession this thing is sooo 2002!

And why does the devil need to go through the hassle of all this anyway? He needs gadgets to work his evil? Like I imagine the devil in like a Best Buy trying to negotiate the best price on a bulk purchase of ‘vein readers’. Demanding to know why his 20% Off online coupon doesn’t work in the Brick and Mortar stores. Insisting to see the manager while asking if the clerk ‘Knows who he is!?’

Of course yadda, there’s always the slight (super slight) glimmer of… ‘What if they’re right? What if end of days will be ushered in by some massive geekout order? What if the devil is just a organizational neat freak who doesn’t want to bring souls down to hell all willy nilly but wants some demon bouncer with a barcode scanner rudely turning away people who don’t have the right capacity of ‘meg’ storage or embarrassingly sporting a dated RFID chip in their neck.

I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t help this sort of thing along by participating on any level. And motivate by taking one of these things and participating in the possibility of recruitment. And maybe I’m crazy for even reading it… but it’s better than reading stuff I’ll instantly forget.

ok bye!

PS. Here’s more of this if you wanna read more. Click—

PPS. No offense all around…


Concerned Parent says:

PLEASE dont mock religion or peoples believes. Don’t be THAT guy here, Todd. You can do better than this kind of post!!

THAT guy says:

Oh yes, because this is a real religion and belif we should honor it. Can you not be THAT guy? That defends nut balls? Thanks.

Anonymous says:

How is he mocking anything? Get a gripe. Your religion is your religion. Don’t fuckin worry about what other people think about your wackass beliefs because their wackass beliefs are no better than yours. Please have fun, laugh, enjoy your time here on earth because one day your going to be worm food.

Joe says:

Yeah, get a gripe!

Actually, religion does a GREAT deal of harm in the world. Think of all the stonings, burnings, torture, wars- all because somebody decided their sky daddy wanted it.

Anonymous says:

You might want to put some thought into this.

Islam says to kill your enemies. So a “good Muslim” is just doing what he thinks he’s supposed to.

Christ said to love your enemies. So anybody doing any of the things you mentioned “in his name” is NOT being a “good Christian”.

All religions are NOT the same.

I know you knew that already; just figured some other people posting here might not.

Mr. Anonymous says:

Islam does NOT teach its followers to kill their enemies. Are you remedial, or just ignorant?

GOD says:

Todd you are the best, your pal GOD

Skott says:

He is not mocking religion he is commenting on a lunatic

FreeSpirit says:

all true believers are nuts, the difference between this guy and some born again christian is only in the degree of nuttiness

Mockeroo says:

MOCK MOCK MOCK… call it like it is. Stupid.

mepball says:

eat a bag of shit

Nick the Prick says:

@ Concerned Parent, it’s “beliefs” you bonehead.

WTF?!?!?!? says:

Seriously- techno details aside, there’s a lot here to be concerned about. The terms “big brother is watching” and “police state” come to mind. If the powers-that-be can track your every movement NOW through things like your credit and debit cards, GPS, EZPass, and on and on to name a few, what’s to stop the wrong person in charge from monitoring everything you do and say?

We’re only a few clicks away from that now. And getting closer. “Tracking” chips are “voluntarily” being imbedded in our pets AND KIDS. I know, I know, it’s for their own good, in case of kidnapping, etc. etc. etc. Baby steps. You don’t actually think the Antichrist or the Devil is going to say “and now everybody gets a chip installed because I say so HA HA HA (evil laughter)”, do you? He won’t have to. In a few years, you’ll already have had that chip installed- by your parents. Because they love you and didn’t want to see you get kidnapped.

How many times lately have you turned on the news and seen security camera footage that caught a crime in progress or a missing person? Do you actually think that the technology can’t be used against us? Just some things to think about… seriously.

Have a nice day!


the REAL weeze says:


Alex Jones says:

the truth lies

Concerned Person says:

Terrible, thoughtless website.

Grammer Police! says:



“GRAMMER”?!?!?!?!? “GRAMMER”?!?!?!?!?!?


Amy says:

What’s funny?


“Grammer” is. Isn’t he the guy who plays Frasier Crane?

And speaks with good grammar?

Lorelei says:

Thanks for sharing that. Even though I find the rantings of the so-called “Whackos” entertaining, I also find the power of their sheer numbers terrifying.

The Lord says:

Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth.

gunfever says:

crap post

gunfever = weeze = grif says:

hahahahahaha- epic fail! you forgot to change your gunfever name when posting as grif!

As if we NEEDED any evidence…

Peter Pied Piper says:

It’s the decade of 2010. Calendar watching or date setting has proven unreliable. Except as a way to make people scared. But there is no reason for fear.

Amy says:


Because finger veins are inside the body and invisible from the outside, finger vein patterns are extremely hard to steal and do not change with age, making it an ideal biometric feature for secure authentication.

Son of perdition says:

OOOOOOOOGiiiiiieeeeeeee Booooogiiieeeeeee Boooooogiiiieieieee! These people have it all wrong. Everyone knows that smartphones will be the true conduit to our souls. Place it up to your ear and download the death. Hahahahahahaha

Concerned Person says:

Also concerned parent, peoples beliefs need to be mocked. If your beliefs (religious or otherwise) are destructive to society, then you need to be told that. No more crashing planes into buildings, even if you really believe God wants you to.

Riiiiight...... says:

So what you’re saying, “Concerned Person” is that somebody handing out pamphlets on a city street is somehow “destructive to society”, on a par with “crashing planes into buildings”? Riiiiight…..

Pardon me while I mock YOUR beliefs. I thought I had heard ever liberal pussy argument about taking away freedom of religion that there was but you’ve just won the prize. You really used some pathetic logic there, but let me guess… you’re in favor of the “Ground Zero Mosque”, aren’t you? Muslims are good people and we have to be “sensitive”. Or, are you just scared shitless of Muslims? Riiiight…..

Sorry, you NEEDED to be told that.

Concerned person says:

Well I have no idea what you’re talking about for the most part, but if you are asking if I think Christianity or Judaism can be just as destructive to society as “Islamic extremism,” then yes, I absolutely believe it can. Have you heard of the Salem witch trials? The Crusades? The Spanish inquisition? Operation Iraqi Freedom? Yes, I do believe that burning human beings alive is on par with crashing planes into buildings. I welcome you to mock my beliefs because they are rooted in logic. And I encourage you to challenge them if you feel that they are not. I will listen.

Riiiiiiiight.... says:

I’m talking about what I’m talking about. Read it again if you’re not sure. Glad to see you’re being open-minded.

Hitler says:


GOD says:

Go ahead do it.

henry kane says:

does roscoe have an ID chip? you should remove it if so, his soul is at stake, if you want to join roscoe in heaven, or ride with him during the rapture, you should remove the chip.

if he doesn’t have a chip, be sure he is circumcised.

r3t0dd says:

These end of the world cults and religious fundamentalism is so ridiculous, mocking is really the only thing you can do with them. Sure, you can ignore them too, but where’s the fun in that?

And if you’re wrong, do you really want to spend eternity in heaven with a bunch of fundamentalist wackos and cultists? That would really be hell for me. The music is better in hell anyway.

Theory Guy says:

Heaven and Hell are human concepts created by our ancestors to control us.

Anon says:

While I respect the fact that you take flyers from people who hand them out to help them feel like they’re doing their jobs, wouldn’t it be better to recycle the paper rather than throw it into the trash? Also, how come people always assume all people with Asiatic facial features are Chinese?

jayslick says:

Sorry…Dinks,Chinks,Gukes,yellow bellys, slanteyes…..which do you prefer. Seriously does it matter that he said Chinese? Why does that bother you? Stop with the PC bullshit its gone way to fucking far.

Aqua Buddah says:

Why do you assume Todd cant distinguish chinese people from other asians?

Theory Guy says:

I agree with what ‘jayslick’ said. You shouldn’t get all bent out of shape if Asians are Chinese or not. China is a HUGE country, so of course we are going to assume that they are in fact Chinese themselves. Unless you ask that person, you are not going to know their true ethnicity. This situation reminds me of the episode of King of the Hill when Khan’s family moves into Arlen for the first time. Cotton Hill comes to visit. Cotton Hill served in the Second War World, and having been on patrol in Japan, he can note the difference in Asian ethnicities. I remember the scene well. Cotton walks up to Khan, scans his face and say Leonean [spelling?].

Nicol says:

I ate lunch at a farmers market Sunday. My bill was $6.66. No kidding.

Zip Code of the Beast says:

I guess we all know where YOU’RE going….

K-Tel says:

IT doesn’t say what happens if I get it done on my LEFT HAND

grif says:

weeze and I are not the same, but I agree.. crap post

Z says:

Yeah, that is true, tOdd: don’t take the mark of the beast or you will not get into Heaven.

The world is going to become, in the end times, a very hard place to live for anyone who believes in the Name of Jesus Christ.

But do not take the mark of the beast. You will regret it.

Love, Z

Concerned person says:


How do you know?

Preacher says:

Todd, this comes from the book of revelation and other parts of the bible. This is not the only way to interpret these scriptures but they are popular. It is hard to understand what these scriptures mean because they are apocalyptic, a style that uses symbolism. I think that the main message is that the “churches” the letter is written, which are being persecuted, will and have ultimately won the victory, that is heaven.

Here’s the main message of the bible: Love God, Love your neighbor.


Krankor says:

I knew it! Satan is after my cat!

Pin Number Of The Beast says:

Satan IS your cat.

hebba says:

WOW! I think the direction the comments have taken here make the schizophrenic Asian lady with the fliers look like the sane one!

jayslick says:

ha….hebba your 100% right. It would do humanity a great service if no one was allowed to comment on anything on the net. Or at least you should have to give your full name and address with each comment and copies of each comment would be sent to each commenters mother, wife/husband, boss, and neighbors. Trust me this shit would stop real quick if there was accountability.

Zip Code of the Beast says:

Yep, ultimate censorship. Once your ideas are put into practice there’s nothing that can hold me back.

pink banana says:

Oh!! Todd- that was one of the funniest posts I’ve read from you in a long time. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard!!!

tainted says:

having an rfid chip to open doors and stuff would be way cool..

end of comment thank you

Um says:

Anon1:35 nearly brought the internet down with the whiniest comment of all time. Waaaahh why didn’t you recycle + waaaahhh you called a lady Chinese = end of days, alright.


Jesus's Brother says:

I wish I was god πŸ™

Anonymous says:

BAHAHAHA, epic post Todd!

Billy Bob says:

Reading the posts here I feel dumber. Todd you rock, that is until you get the mark of the Beast. Come to think of it Mep could be the Beast. Hmmmmmm.

excellent says:

You know what would be sweet? If I could get this devil smart card finding system to work for other things. Like where is that sunken treasure? Where are my keys? Where is a new Laid Off toon? I think that would be prett-ay awesome.

roclafamilia says:

Helpful blog, bookmarked the website with hopes to read more!

GreenGoblin says:

Really nice information, thanks!

Joe says:

I say, feel free to mock religious beliefs! People have gotten away with craziness and cruelty for too long, all because their beliefs are classified as religion.
If a belief is stupid, then it’s stupid. No free passes just because it is really important to somebodyto belive this stupid thing.

cb1 says:


have you ever tried avast antivirus before?

Our Culture says:

666 is just a number and does not mean anything. Remember back on June 6, 2006? The media was making a big deal that the end of the world was coming. Pfftt! Please.

yodawg says:

Christ on a cracker, what is going on with these comments?? [looks outside] Oh, I see it’s a full moon. Carry on, loonies.

gravura says:

great resources here. I’ll be back for the next your posting. keep writing and happy blogging.

S says:

I thought that was funny.

Legion says:

Knock, Knock, Todd has been missing for 5 days. Why didn’t the exiled priest, or whatever, that wrote revelations, mention this?

I know, the pocket protector people have kidnapped Todd and at this very moment, are stealing his soul, meanwhile at Todds apt. Roscoe would update the site, but it’s hard to type with furry hands, long nails and no thumbs to operate the mouse.

Not Anoymous says:

Anonymous said: “You might want to put some thought into this.
Islam says to kill your enemies….
Christ said to love your enemies…
All religions are NOT the same.”

Dude…don’t start that crap. It is so comically easy to provide counter-examples showing any religion is violent and being instructed to go kill other people, e.g.
MATTHEW 10:34 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I come not to send peace, but a sword.” And if some kid backtalks you…β€œHe that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.” Matthew 15:4-7

Instead, take it easy – anyone and anything can be made fun of, nothing and nobody is perfect. Peace out.

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