October 13 2010

The Sky High Delivery Boy

So the other night I ordered some dinner from my local middle eastern restaurant. I like the veggie kabob platter with hummus (it comes with salad) and I get 2 pieces of pita bread because Roscoe gets some. I dump my hot sauce all of it etc and sit infront of the TV. It’s like my Sunday night thing alot.

Anyway, I was psyched and starved.

25 minutes later I’m not psyched. But still starved. The food was taking forever. It usually arrives inside of 15 minutes. Then my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and its a random 917 number…

Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Hello…
Delivery boy: Yah, where you at?
Me: I’m home. Where you at?
Delivery boy: I’m downstairs, my man!
Me: Oh! Ok cool. I’ll be right down.

I hang up the phone and head downstairs wondering why the guy didn’t buzz my buzzer. I open the door and the streets are empty. I head back upstairs and use caller ID to call him back.

Me: Hey!
Delivery boy: Who’s this?
Me: I’m the guy you just called!
Delivery boy: Yeah. Where you at?
Me: Home! You said you were downstairs!
Delivery boy: Oh. I’m downstairs now…

I hang up the phone and head downstairs again and open the door. Thinking maybe he called ahead… or something? The streets are empty. I run back up the stairs and call him up.

Me: Hey!!
Delivery boy: Who’s this?
Me: I’m the guy you just spoke to 2 seconds ago!
Delivery boy: What’s going on, my man?
Me: What address do you have?
Delivery boy: Twenty nine five (xxxx) street!
Me: I’m 263! 2-6-3.
Delivery boy: 263!?
Me: Yes!
Delivery boy: Ohhhh! 263! I’ll be right there…

I go back upstairs and wait. 10 minutes go by. No buzzer goes off. No phone call. I call the guy.

Me: Hey!!!
Delivery boy: Who’s this?
Me: The guy you’re looking for! What the hell!
Delivery boy: Where I’m at?
Me: I don’t know where you’re at!! I’m at! 2-6-3.
Delivery boy: 2-6-3?
Me: 2-6-3 yes!
Delivery boy: I’m coming down your street now.

He hangs up on me. I head downstairs and open the door. At the top of my street I see this bicycle slowly going down the wrong side of the street. The side with all the even numbers. He was looking for 263 on the even numbered side! I call out to him and he finally peddles over to me and hands me this bag of food that looks like it hit the ground once.

I look him in the face and his eyes are way bloodshot and he’s smiling crooked. He looks pasty. The guy apologizes up and down and tells me he’s new. Was nice about stuff. I pay him and tip him a couple bucks and he heads off on his bike all wobbily.

I bring the food inside and get a little suspicious about it. If this kid was like all high and mad at me for the wonky delivery– would he do something to the food? Like goober in it or something? I blocked it out.

Roscoe shot me a look like: ‘Pita for me?’ I looked at the food. It looked fine. I dumped my hot sauce on it and I ate it up. I considered calling the restaurant to let them know about the delivery boy but Eastbound and Down was starting and that was that…

ok bye!

PS. This is the hot sauce I like:


Anonymous says:

First of all. Where has that cock sucker Mr. Deng been ?

Stoner McDope says:

No problem you being at the wrong place and all. On the wrong side of the street too. Time is all relative anyway. Glad you enjoyed the food.

Art Police says:

Hey ToDD that bicycle looks like shit

Megan says:

Really, “delivery boy?” What is this Alabama circa 1941? Holy fuck.

Nappy- Headed Ho says:

No, back then we would have just been called “boy”. No “delivery”. That would have been an honor.

And then we would have to shine the White Man’s shoes. While not looking at him or his White Woman for fear of being lynched. Talk about degrading.

CaptainBob says:

I use the same sauce Todd. Its the bees knees eh?

Rina says:

I loove that hot sauce!!

Amy says:

??? what are you supposted to call a teenager who delivers pizzA?

Yellowdog says:

That hot chicken sauce is totally the best. Goes on pretty much everything except ice cream.

oddtodd7 says:

I really do dig that sauce ALOT. I put it on everything hot sauceable…

Alec A says:

Maybe meal destination coordinator is proper in 2010

Alan Lau says:

Is that Roscoe’s first appearance in an OddTodd toon?

I says:

Dude, I can’t beleive you ate that stuff………Wasn’t it all cold by this time?!?

Stoner McDope says:

Ummm… hey man… did I leave my weed in the bag with your food?

pink banana says:

I like that hot sauce too. usually I find it Asian restaurants I go to here in Albuquerque. Yum!

! says:

pink banana- im in albuquerque too!

pink banana says:

p.s. Once again, I just about laughed right out of my chair reading your latest “What’s Happenings”. Too funny!

Nicol says:


Jimmy Legg says:

that hot sauce is the best. my wife and i call it the cock sauce

Joey Z says:

Love that hot sauce. Wife and I refer to it as “Cock” sauce. Cause it has a big cock on the bottle…

hoo-boy says:

Maybe you should’ve brought that hot sauce down with you to spray a little on him?

Maybe this is sign that you should be living on the other side of the street?

Um…. Eastbound and down? Kenny Powers? I can’t figure out if that show is supposed to be a comedy. I counted my laughs so far this season vs. my feelings of discomfort at that character: laughs: 2 discomfort: 12.

Loki says:

Sauce is the best, never not have ‘the bird’ in the house. Mix with sour cream as a dip

gtpjerry says:

Sriracha! I love that stuff! My buddy turned me on to it, and all the WalMarts in my area stock it.

Z says:

Yeah, I want to know as well… is that the first time Roscoe has been in an Odd tOdd cartoon?


Not the First says:

This IS NOT the first cartoon Roscoe appeared in. Roscoe first appeared in one of Todd’s April Fools series.

bark65 says:

Yeah that sauce is served at all the asian spots out here. Good stuff. Ya know what’s better though? Miso mayo. Its kinda spicy but so damn good.

potato says:

Roscoe was in the first Tuesday morning coffay show thing (for like 1 second) and I think he made an appearance in another toon (for another quick second) but I can’t remember which one that was.

WTF?!?!?!?!?! says:

Yeah, it’s amazing what a huge amount of time will do to your memory. Kinda like the Pyramids, or why nobody remembers who built Stonehenge or why. Just sayin’…

Not the First says:

April Fools (2006). Sorry, I just noticed your comment.

SkipJark says:

I love Sriracha… I remember a few years ago my ex-wife was cooking something that called for it in the recipe… but we couldn’t find it anywhere.

But now, I see it everywhere… especially since I’m dating an Asian chick.

Legion says:

Geez, he could have asked if you want a gram…errr two liter coke with your order!

Quaffio says:

That hot sauce frickin’ rules, man. I like to marinade london broil (or whatevers on sale) in it and serve it with pasta. I add a little tomato sauce, too. You mix it up. Its good!!!

You are doing a great job at your blog, man. I have been always a reader of your blog.


Off topic, I know but I wanted to say that I believe in Ginger! Vote for Ginger (Mid-Term Election 2010).

rn says:

Funny post Todd. I’m happy that the delivery boy FINALLY was able to find your apartment.

Have a website? Wanna be featured below? Send me a banner 364x40! 100% Free!