September 26 2011

The Unfortunate (Possibly Of) Truth In My (Possibly Dumb) Theory About Optometry

So a way long time ago I wrote up a theory about optometry. It’s linked here but the basic idea is that people’s eyesight gets worse and worse not because of a natural decline in eyesight but because every time somebody gets a new prescription it’s a bit too strong — and their eyes adjust — and then the adjustment shoots past the new prescription (the changing eyesight has momentum) — then a new new prescription goes even higher to meet the new vision etc.

Anyway, a few months ago I got a new pair of glasses. And the store lady was offering an eye exam for like $49 or whatever. For some reason, I started to feel like maybe it was time to get my eyes checked finally (it’s literally been like 15 years or more). I go into the back room with this lady who was like an unfriendly dragon lady. (I kept making jokes and she wasn’t having any of em.) And she checks my eyes (a bit rushed for my taste) with the ‘better/worse’ (click clack) ‘better/worse’ (click clack)…

She tells me that my prescription is WAY off. One eye is like lagging behind the other. And I needed a prescription change totally etc. She seemed surprised my current glasses were so off. As soon as I heard that– I checked the box labeled ‘Dumb’ on my list of ‘Possibly Dumb Theory List’.

And when I got my new glasses I walked out of the store all bug-eyed with everything looking like almost trippily in focus. Feeling proud that I was finally visually looking normal again (at least eyesight-wise).

Meanwhile, months later I still see fine when looking at stuff at a distance but when I try to read with my glasses on– it’s a no go. My hyperopia (or myopia?) is screwed up! Slowly I found myself taking off my glasses to read books or menus. I never had to do that before! Whatever fixed my far vision fukt my short vision!! I can’t read books with my glasses on anymore! And I miss reading that way because it makes me feel smart when I read with my glasses on! Like I’m a fancy professor or something!

So I’m thinking I screwed up– and screwed up my eyes. I vow to NEVER change my prescription again no matter how blind I get! Out of spite! Apologies pedestrians! (Granted, it’s possible that my going to some cheap terrible dragon lady optometrist in the back of and eyeglass store wasn’t the ideal ‘eye check’ after 15 years. And sure, maybe if I went to a real doctor my eyes woulda been fixed properly. (Btw– I regret this because last year a great ophthalmologist chick offered give me a full eye exam for free and I kinda stupidly blew off the offer. Sorry nice doctor offerer.)

Anyway, I’m sitting here staring at my old glasses and they’re looking at me and I’m looking at them and they’re looking at me. (Except up close they see me in focus but up close I see them all blurry).

ok bye!

PS> here’s the book I just finished reading (glassesless!)


Anonymous says:

Assuming the “dragon lady” wasn’t just out to sell you a new pair of glasses, it sounds like you’re starting to need bifocals. The reason you can still see clearly close up without glasses on or with your old glasses on is probably because your eyes naturally see better close up. However, when you use glasses to adjust your vision to a greater distance than you had before, your eyes have to work harder to adjust to seeing close up. My solution is to wear bifocal contacts instead of glasses – they work great for me.

Anonymous says:

fuck optometrists ! fuck them in the ass with a rusty spoon !

Anonymous says:

OT, you need to see an opthomologist, not an optomitrist. One is an MD and the other simply fits eyeglasses….

Ryan Riccelo says:

Yes an OMD is the answer. You will have exam by Cesar, who has 2 hours of on-job training. OMD don’t refect, dummy.

Hope that Cesar does great glasses.

Anonymous says:

Right about that. Ophthalmologists are M.D.s, but optometrists are still very knowledgeable professionals. They have OD degrees (doctorate of optometry), so they do have extensive training.

JT says:

Hey OT,

I’m going through eye weirdness myself. My optometrist wrote a Rx for “computer” glasses b/c I work at a computer all day.

Problem is, the glasses help my short distance vision (ie. reading a book, labels, etc) but make a computer screen (an arm’s length away) all blurry. My “distance” glasses are better for computer screen reading-ness.

I thought by 2011, we’d have eye implants that auto focus and have screen overlays like Robocop. Instead, I gotta deal with glasses always falling down my nose. (btw, what’s the remedy for that? I see people with glasses that seemingly never have to push their glasses back up their nose.)

OK, sorry for the long-ness

WTF?!?!?!?!?!? says:

Of course, chronic masturbation will make you go blind. Didn’t they ever tell you that?

Seriously, sounds like more of an age-related thing. As you get older the eyes can’t focus as well at the extremes- further and nearer. Aging sucks but it’s better than the alternative.

WTF?!?!?!?!?!? says:

One other possibility – when you take a huge dump, as I am prone to do, and you strain really hard you can break the blood vessels in your eye. So don’t do what I do. Sometimes I strain so hard, I end up spitting up blood.

Bob in Peru says:

I’d suggest you get your eyes striped instead of checked.

tainted says:

why dont you try out those glasses that have the prescription on top, but not on the bottom? they are more expensive but supposedly solve the problem ..i think the above poster called them bifocals? i dunno..i thought bifocals was just another name for glasses.

bird says:

Definitely need to go with bifocals. They make them progressive, so no weird line across the middle. They were a lot easier to get used to than I thought they’d be.

the REAL weeze says:


papa zook says:

Normally I don’t agree when you call yourself dumb … ahem. It would seem to me that your vision is kinda important to your career. You might want to go get your eyes checked by a pro. I will resist the urge to end with “DUH!”. (P.S. girlfriends tend to be good when it comes to this kind of advise – maybe check with the lady.)

marry says:

I must tell you your webpage is truly awesome. Great writer

Laura C says:

Hi tOdd! I’m the chick ophthalmologist that offered to give you an exam a while ago…it sounds like either the dragon lady over-corrected you (making your theory of glasses making your myopia worse right-on!),or as others have mentioned, you may be sauntering into bifocal/progressive lens territory. Anyway, the offer still stands if you want me to take a look 🙂

Blaaaarrghhh says:

I agree with the comments that it’s probably age related. As you get older, the lenses in your eye begin to harden, and can no longer be squeezed to a different shape, which is what some of your eye muscles do when you want to read clos up for example. It’s a bitch, I know, it’s happening to me too.

bd says:

My eye doctor is about my age (44) and he said HE already had to start wearing bifocals, and I could get them if I got tired of looking over/under my glasses to read close up things. My glasses, with all the super thin plastic, and the scratch proof that works great the first year or so, and UV protection, and supposedly unbreakable frames, and up costing me over $400, so I’m still putting it off.

My friend was going to get all laserixxed up, and the doctor told him he had to choose close vision, far vision, or one eye of each. How crazy is that! How is that even an option? This friend ended up with TRI-focals. Must’ve been a worst case scenario.

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