August 14 2012

The Truth Behind Invitations

So a few weeks or so ago a friend of mine and his wife told me he was coming in to NYC for the weekend. He said he was coming out to Brooklyn and wanted to know if we were around for dinner. I figured him and his wife and me and my gff. All couple-y and stuff.

He wanted Friday. I asked for Saturday. He said he could only do Friday because the other couple was booked on Saturday. I was like, ‘Wait… What other couple?’ He told me they were getting together with another couple and wanted us to come along. I was like, ‘Ohhh! You should have told me that in the first place!’ He was like, ‘What’s the difference? They’re cool.’ I told him it’s a completely different invitation– especially for someone who is fairly anti-social and not enthusiastic about meeting new people.

It’s really a different night altogether. You gotta go through all the basic first round questions before really doing anything. The conversation is different. The vibe is different. The check is different. The amount of personal energy spent is different. You have to listen. Be alert. You can’t be socially lazy.

This applies to more casual invitations too. A while back a friend of mine told me he had an extra Knicks ticket last minute. I of course said yes — but then found out two other guys were going too. Dudes from work. It’s a different invitation. It’s went from ‘hanging at a Knicks game with a friend’ to me being the fourth wheel with ‘Dudes from Work’.

It’s different for me with sports stuff extra because I don’t really care about the Knicks or follow sports. I just really like going to live sports. But when there are ‘Dudes from Work’ there’s a chance of me getting outted and shamed because my knowledge of the Knicks ended when Ewing retired. What if they’re NBA superfans and want to talk Knicks all night? And if they’re all cheering big time I can’t lay there like a fat trout in a plastic chair. I gotta all stand up at three-pointers and hoot and stuff to fake my support.

Bottom line, any social invitation needs to be out there clearly so I can decide what I want and don’t want to do! The invitation of, ‘Wanna go see a Knicks game?’ is radically different than ‘I’m going to the Knicks with a ‘Dudes from Work– wanna come?’ I might go either way. Always happy to be invited. But be upfront about stuff.

Sure, you could say that I could/should just “be myself” in all occasions. But there is a big difference between being myself when I can be myself and the self I can be when I’m being myself with strangers. That’s a totally different being myself to myself!

That’s all. Ok bye!


Guest says:

You should get a professional therapist. You need lots of couch time. Here is something totally radical – at the basketball game with the guys how about you just say you just like live sports and don’t follow the team instead of the pretend cheering and worrying about being outed. Lot of insecurity there.

I agree on the dinner info but not for the self-conscious phoney-acting reasons.

bung says:

where has that cock sucker mr deng been ?

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

… or you could just stay in your apartment all day and become the crazy hermit you were concerned about becoming BACK WHEN YOU MADE FUCKING “LAID-OFF” CARTOONS FOR THIS SITE.

See, we remember.

Angry Man says:

You act like an 11th grader and write like a 9th grader

Amy says:

Todd just always be yourself that is called CONFIDENCE dont be such a whimp!!

Rozsi says:

I think it’s different for people who are less introverted . We think of it differently. It’s good to think of being more clear. I don’t think to say more people are coming because more people is more fun to me and not a big deal…good to hear the other side. Also, if I like a friend I want my other friends to meet. So for me it’s about giving people a gift of meeting. Not a torturous experience…

PJ says:

Most of the idiots who post here need to go back to spelling bee class

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

“Most of the idiots who post here need to go back to spelling bee class”

You spelled “beer” wrong, d!psh!t. Now who’s an idiot?

Angel Heart Jewels [dot] Com says:

Just believe in yourself and don’t be so insecure.

Btw, when is Part 3 of the Mail Saga coming?

Guest says:

What the hell is spelling bee class?

Poot says:

Wheres my USPS post III?

Ed says:

Todd, I agree with your thoughts about how invitations should be presented. I would have a different feel based upon the mix of people invited. I don’t have the same feelings about it that you do, but I agree with the premise.

Goats says:

I 100% agree! Be upfront. If you want to have dinner with me or do something with me, that is one thing. If you want me to come be part of your entourage, let ME know and let ME decide. Don’t hide it! I don’t think big groups of people are better, especially when you might not like people in that group. I have a friend who pulls that shit–and will purposely not say who is coming…..I expect it, but it used to piss me off! People should have the right to choose who they hang out with and not be forced to endure people they may not wish to endure!

In fact, last week, another friend, who had planned to go to a gelato event all summer with me, decides, last minute to invite 8 other people, and not tell me until after it starts and he is running late—because he is waiting for 8 other people to meet up. That is the epitome of rude.

flowy dress waitress says:

i totally totally feel the same way. totally.

flowy dress waitress says:

also, it’s not about confidence. it’s about measuring whether the activity is worth the time and energy.

extroverts don’t get it. they think: oh cool, the more the merrier. introverts would rather spend a day alone fully enjoying their time alone than spending a mediocre day with strangers or people they like only a bit.

i’m a very confident person, but i don’t like spending time and energy with people who aren’t worth it. so people should totally be upfront with the nature of the invitation they are extending. i completely agree.

Guest says:

You post the stupidest shit! Feeling the need to fake your behavior because of what others might think of you is completely about confidence and self esteem. You should just stick to refilling coffee.

the REAL weeze says:


Bitchslap says:

Please go away

MufficanPneeguh Puhleez says:

Always be indirect to invites from peeps except with your girl. Find out some details and keep a card with ten good reasons why you can’t commit handy in your wallet.

Arnold Shitfaced says:

Fuck this shit fuck

hebba says:

Maybe your friends purposely don’t let you know other people will be there because they know you’d wuss out otherwise! Maybe they’re like “We gotta get him out of that apartment and off of the computer where he reads comments from total strangers who are just as anti-social as he is!” Honestly, Todd, how the heck did you even meet your gff?? 🙂

Goats says:

That’s not their decision to make. And just because one doesn’t choose to hang out with a group of people doesn’t mean they are sitting in their apartment all the time. Sometimes, sure, but other times, they just don’t want to deal with a bunch of assholes like you hebba….

Anonymous says:

Nice to see someone writing out how I feel, todd!

Amajoranus says:

Do a cartoon and stop wondering about your feelings

Yazmine says:

Nobody is confident in new social situations asshole. You’re more insecure than anybody OBVIOUSLY

Goats says:

Yazmine, go suck another dick….and STFU….

momo says:

Totally agree with you, tOdd!

sun says:

How Beautiful!

Jayslickbalt says:

Just whip your dong out next time your invited out.

flora says:

Don’t listen to the idiots who just tell you to be confident and everything will be fine. Personally, I hate it too. I like small groups! I like intimate gatherings. And just one new person can change that completely.

Guest says:

you like small groups because you are obnoxious and nobody likes you.

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