May 19 2010

Wimpy Wonderings about White Wine

So a while ago I was at the barber shop reading Esquire Magazine and was learning stuff about ‘How to be a Man’. The magazine told me I should know how to change a tire. Tie a tie. Know how to give a massage. Own boots. Or whatever. etc…

The magazine also told me that a man should always ‘know his drink’ when he steps up to a bar. A ‘man’ should never look over all the bottles and hem and haw about maybe this or that. Step up. Boom that’s my drink. Etc. I figured that was good advice because since reading that I’ve stopped with any hem and hawing when ordering a drink. It’s nicer for the bartenders too I assume.

But in the same breath this article said, ‘Know your drink (and never the Sauvignon Blanc!) I was like, ‘Uh oh spaghettio! I order that wine sometimes!

I had no idea it qualified to be singled out as a don’t in parenthesis in the ‘Be a Man’ article. I wasn’t sure if it was specifically Sauvignon Blanc or all white wine that is wrong for men. To me it seems like Zinfandel seems more girlie taboo or whatever. But I guess Sauvignon Blanc carries the main stigma of unmanly guy?

Since then I’ve not ordered the Sauvignon Blanc and I only order white wine if I’m feeling particularly confident. I probably should have picked up on the white wine stigma years ago because once I was on a date and I ordered the Sauvignon Blanc and the girl was like, ‘Oh! Can I judge you on that?’ Like jokingly. And I was like, ‘Why is it? Not right?’ She was like, ‘Well, you know… White wine…’

Anyway, I got into an argument recently with a chick about this white wine stuff– and we had the back and forth about Sauvignon Blanc in particular. She said I should post here and ask if men are ever allowed to order white wine at a bar.

Was Esquire just being insecure– or were they basically right about women passing judgment over white?

Yes, I realize in an ideal world a ‘real man’ would order whatever the hell they want whenever they want wherever they want etc. I get that. But would a man with that manly man attitude be the guy that orders the Sauvignon Blanc?

Umm… how bout the rosΓ©? I like that too…

ok bye!


Mannly Max says:

Todd, you answered your own question. Esquire IS being insecure. Plus there are other factors to consider to being a man. I wouldn’t know with regards to the whole drinking scene because I don’t drink. Plus when is drinking that wine or any white wine any women business? I mean – COME ON!!

frank rizzo says:

restaurant fine.
wine bar – fine.

bar-bar? no. It will be swill. if you are ordering rose at a regular bar, i assume you are on break from the glory hole.

Anonymous says:

frank rizzo wins best comment of the year.

Ginger says:


West Milly E Dubbs says:

Agree with Frank Rizzo 100%

JJ in Venice says:

White wine at a bar? N.O. NO. Never. At a restaurant with an appropriate meal, yes.

You should take a class to learn about wine. That way you can have the basics down. Zinfandel is a very robust red wine. White Zinfandel, which is what you were referring to, is absolute crap.

vcents says:

Jesus man. Never order wine at a bar. With dinner? Sure, but not white. And Rose doesn’t count. Get a red with some bite to it.

My drink: Makers Mark, on the rocks.

(This also applies to any “martini”, such as Appletinis or any crap like that. Vodka or gin. Anything else and your vagina starts showing.

Kat says:

Nothing wrong with white wine as long as it’s not white zinfandel. Nobody should be ordering white zinfandel…

Pleepleus says:

You should watch some episodes of Three Sheets on to learn about drinking. Oh and have a good laugh too.

No, I don’t work for either.

Goats says:

Captain and coke–for dinner, happy hour, for breakfast and for anytime. F**K anyone who disagrees!

Crumbles says:

I ordered me a blush Zinfandel at the barrrWHAM

Bad call.

MrAmbulanceDriver says:

“Gimme a shot of whiskey” is all I say

It takes a real man... says:

It takes a real man to wear a dress to a bar, and order up a glass of RosΓ©. I’d suggest scratching your balls through the dress to make a point while doing it though.

Pookie says:

I agree on not ordering wine at a “bar-bar”, you are going to get crap, especially if you order anything pink like a blush or a rose’ Wine bar maybe, but if you must to go white, order something with a little more of a bite like a Riesling. It even sounds more manly. ;-P

Mike in TX says:

I’m guessing it really depends on the bar.

iLLBiLL says:

one word…. beer

Anonymous says:

and a whiskey or if you’ve read american psycho and are a fan of Pat Bateman order a J&B on the rocks.

anonymous says:

I say order what you like.

Katie says:

Order what you like. Sauvignon blanc is excellent. Girls don’t judge guys on that shit, it’s only other guys who care. And most of them don’t give a shit either – who cares what someone else drinks? Esquire sounds like the male equivalent of Cosmo.

Anonymous says:

Actually, some girls DO judge guys on that shit, but any girl who’s making snap judgments like that is one you’d want to avoid anyway.

Other than at dinner, or at wine bars (which should be avoided anyway), I’d say skip the wine and go for a classic drink. Gin and tonic works for me.

Martin says:

I wouldn’t order wine at a regular bar. It would definitely be awkward holding a wine glass while my friends knock back some brewskies. At a restaurant, sure. I prefer red myself so I’ve never thought much about if there’s a stigma with white wine. If you’re having a meal, I say get what you want.

Commodus says:

LOL, americans talking about wine. do the world a favour, stick to beer.

Martin says:

Silly Roman, quit posting your childish comments on real blogs and go play with your stylus.

Krankor says:

When it comes to wine, I drink ONLY dry white. Don’t like reds or sweets. Screw them! Drink what you want!

Of course, my regular drink is vodka on the rocks with an olive. A very manly drink!

My Butt Here says:

White wine with white meats and also with fruits,vege’s and cheese. Red wine with red meats and also pasta dishes and chocolate. You have to order white wine with certain dishes and foods or you will look like a rube.

Anonymous says:

Commodus, you are a douche bag.

Anonymous says:

LOL, romans talking about what Americans drink. do the world a favour, stick to having sex with your slaves.

Anon says:

Clearly, the only way to judge a man is by the size of his….shoes…?

Weeze says:

First, bitches! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Ms Laissez-faire says:

Anyone who judges you based upon the drink in your hand, assuming it’s not cheap whiskey/strong lager hidden in a paper bag while you’re on your own in the park and singing to your best friends (those crazy guys, the pigeons), is a fool. Order what you enjoy and be happy.

JV says:

I say screw it. Order wine if you want wine. But, the thing that will make you seem ‘manly’ or attractive(if that’s what you want) is to order with confidence. Confidence is like spanish fly to women. We all know guys who are not that attractive, or who are unemployed, or who aren’t a million bucks, but they have all kinds of girls hitting on them.

Confidence = attractiveness

Part of that confidence is doing what feels right to you in that moment.

A Man says:

Dude order what the fuck you like. If I want a white wine I’ll damn well order one and if anyone gives me shit I’ll slowly insert the cork up their nostril.

Wine “connoisseur” douchebags make my taint hurt.

Anonymous says:

I’m a bartender and esquire is full of crap…mostly. Yes white zin is for old ladies but ordering anything else is no big deal. This article is for the same suckers who don’t order merlot because the movie Sideways told them not to do that.

Caveat: When going to a dive bar stick to beer and single liquors (mix with coke or whatever) if you want to play it safe

Jane says:

I have no idea so I shouldn’t even be commenting, but I remember hearing them say on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy that you shouldn’t drink red at parties because it stains your teeth. I guess the same goes for a first date. QEftSG is pretty much the authority, right?

Jane says:

I googled “men white wine” and found out that Rush Limbaugh says “it’s the woman that like whites.” So yeah, if you wanna emulate Rush…

I also found out that men drinking white wine is the new men wearing pink (shows you’re urbane and sophisticated) but that you shouldn’t drink Pinot Grigio.

Whereas AskMen, the most gender-role enforcing magazine known to history, recommends a good Pinot Grigio.

Refflection says:

OMG, seriously? You’re wondering if you should FOLLOW a stigma? Drink whatever you want to. The fruitier the better, piss all the homophobes off. Any woman that judges you over the drink you order is one stupid bitch.

Preacher says:

Avoid strong drink. I like skim milk. I love God.

God says:

I love you too Preacher, now put your clothes back on, I’m still undecided about homosexuals

Ronnie Ray says:

Yes, cuz, there are rules.

Hemingway had a few, my fave: Real men eat the whole shrimp, head and all.

Carver (or somebody) had 3: Never eat at a place called Mom’s; never play cards with a guy named Doc; never go to bed with a woman who has more problems than you.

Me: It’s okay for a man to drink a decent white wine (even a Chardonnay) with lunch or in the afternoon, especially on your yacht (but only at sea); it’s NOT okay at any time during or after cocktail hour.


Jackass says:

Its all ok as long as your cannon balling the whole bottle. Your goal should be to get drunk enough that you expose yourself but don’t remember it

Anonymous says:

I hate wine

Anonymous says:

Order whatever the fuck you want.

citydba says:

I reeeeally hate to admit it, but I think it is more attractive for a guy to order a beer or a good hard beverage at a bar-bar. Wine with dinner is totally fine but It does seem a *little* fruity to drink wine, DEPENDING on the bar. Which is totally fine if fruity is what you’re going for! I have gay guy friends who order cosmos and appletinis with pride, but if you’re a hetero who wants to order a manly drink at a bar, wine is probably not the answer. It’s kinda like going to a steakhouse and ordering a dinner salad.

Pissed Off Pete says:

We as a society are still going on about this? Sad!

Todd, order a god damn beer for christ sake! If you are so content on maintaining your manhood, then don’t order wine at a bar-bar. You’re what 40 something!? Stop being insecure. If you want to drink wine, drink it at home or with the family.


whining says:

Well, it depends. Red wine gives me a headache, and yet, white wine does not. So, should I forgo all wine because I have a penis? Me thinks not.

Seems like that sort of “you should or shouldn’t do this kind of thing ever” thinking is pretty judgmental and not really living a life of acceptance. Making those sorts of all or nothing rules is just limiting experience. So, who’s to say? Who the hell is the writer(s) in Esquire anyway? This person might very well be completely miserable and yet here he or she is handing out advice about what makes a good life.

I dunno. Seems like only our own experiences should define how we run things for ourselves.

Pissed Off Pete says:

Thank you.

Jimmy the Fish says:

Men drink beer or whisky and not in coke either. On the rocks and don’t lets ever discuss this again.

C.J. says:

Real men like single malt

Pissed Off Pete says:


MsM says:

What do you get when you order wine at a bar? Box wine? I am not a connoisseur of wine, but even I know not to get wine there. If you want a light drink, and not something like “Three fingers of Jack” get Covissier and water. (In a plebeian bar, it’s brandy and water.)

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

Wow- people REALLY care about their booze here, don’t they?

How about a “What’s Happening” about weed? Crack? Heroin?

Anonymous says:

Looking to other men for drink guidance is insecure. What any real man would do is trust his own sense of taste.

Also, wine is the drink of gods. Beer is, at best, what they dispose of at the urinal afterwards.

Mr Bill says:

Makers on the rocks. If you want whisky and coke do Wild Turkey.

Wine with dinner is fine, unless you’re at White Castle.

[…] Wimpy Wonderings about White Wine Β« […]

Optional says:

There’s nothing wrong with a GOOD Sauvignon Blanc. Go for the New Zealand Marlboroughs. They have lots of minerals so it’s like drinking green peppers. And rocks.

Oyster Bay is great. Nobilo and Monkey Bay are pretty good. And a few others. But I’m drunk on Chimay Blue at the moment, so take it with a grain of beer.


(Optional) says:

I think I read somewhere once where they did a blind taste test and people could not tell whether they were drinking a red or a white wine.
Point is, the color of the drink does not matter. It is the taste that you should choose. And really, do you want to listen to your own taste buds or someone elses?

AudioAddict says:

Shot of jamo (Jameson Irish Whiskey) and a tall blonde (Miller High Life Bottle). Walk up to a bar and ask for that and it’s instant street cred.

EMB says:

Friends don’t let Friends drink White Zinfandel.

Rainy says:

Dr Pepper, Sprite, cream soda, or just sweet tea! That’s my stuff. If they don’t have it I just thirst to death! But I’m some kind of weenie I guess. *shrugs*

Mark Macoy says:

I wipe my ass with magazines like Esquire. Then I drink whatever the hell I want to drink. Done.

Also I went to their fruity little web site and you know who’s on the home page? Tom Closet Cruise. And you’re gonna take advice for them about how to be a man?

sponk says:

WhiteOut with a kerosene chaser.

Da Fonz says:

white wine is ok. it goes with Chicken. if you’re having Chicken, you can have white wine. i suppose it counts if you order chicken fingers at the bar too.
but anypants, order whatever the heck you want. white wine shows an educated side to your palate.
if you’re going for the ‘big muscles, small p*nis’ look with the ladies, order beer.

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